Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 17 July 2013
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (61)

Magic trick

PC Sorkar, the Indian magician can perform some amazing tricks. He once swallowed a white rabbit and pulled a brown hare out of his butt.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

When Alexander Bell invented t...

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - The Ultimate "Only in Russia" Compilation

The Ultimate "Only in Russia" Compilation - A Compilation of clips that could only be found in Russia! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Baseball heaven?

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is basebal l in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Two old men sitting on a bench

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

The early bird may get the wor...

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Two headed dog?!

Two headed dog?! - Or not? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

An Antartian boy and his fathe...

An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Perfect...

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married ?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl .. the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

Find a famous person

Find the first and the last name of a famous person. Text may go in all 8 directions. Length of words in solution: 5,9.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Matzo Balls

A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday

dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the

Jewish couple announced, "This is matzo ball soup."

On seeing the 2 large matzo balls in the soup, the Gentile

man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently,

the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man, "Just have a

taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."

Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a

small piece of matzo ball with some soup in the spoon, and

tasting it gingerly. Liking it, he quickly finished the

soup.

"That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts

of the matzo?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (10)

“The passenger couldn...

“The passenger couldn't find where his next flight was, but then he made the connection.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

Newest Son-in-law


A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 March 2009
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (7)

Jimmy Carr: Why Men Use Viagra

The reason old men use Viagra is not because theyre impotent. Its because old women are so very ugly.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 July 2011
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (53)

Demetri Martin: Rock, Paper, Scissors

I like rock, paper, scissors -- two-thirds. Rock breaks scissors: these scissors are bent, theyre destroyed, I cant cut stuff -- I lose. Scissor cuts paper: this is strips, this is not even paper, this can take me forever to put this back together -- you got me. Paper covers rock: rock is fine, no structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point, just say the word. Paper sucks. It should be rock, dynamite with a cuttable wick, scissors.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 July 2010
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (36)

The Laws Of Golf


LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 July 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (32)

Neverland search

Police raided the Neverland ranch of Michael Jackson again.

He was reported to be so upset, he dangled himself over a balcony.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 July 2010
  • Currently 3.53/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (32)

When Chuck Norris was a child,...

When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 July 2011
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (28)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY

Jokes of the day

Daily updated jokes. New jokes every day.
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes partners

  • Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
  • Daily Brain Teasers - daily collection of brain teasers

Jokes Archive