Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 17 September 2014
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (77)

Have a great time for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes of 2021 on: Christmas jokes collection

It Pays To Know German

An Amish Farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand.

The Amish Farmer shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuehe und die Schweine haben hineingeschissen!"

(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and pigs sh-t in it!")

The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!"

The Amish Farmer shouts back in English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

Teacher: "Kids,what does the c...

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Swings and Slackline Tarzan Fails

Swings and Slackline Tarzan Fails - Most of these Tarzan wannabes wound up in an epic fail! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

During training exercises, the...

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "*Yours* is."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

A Prayer Upon Waking

Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - No Iron - no problem

No Iron - no problem - When there is a will there is a way | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Passing A Parrot


A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Into Thin Air

Question:

What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other?

Answer:

An air mattress.

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Q: Did you hear about the Budd...

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
A: His goal: transcend dental medication.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

“A yak is the star of...

“A yak is the star of an animal talk show.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
tomatoes and cucumbers

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

#joke
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (10)

If at first you don't succeed,...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 September 2010
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

100 pound pig

Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig.

The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".

Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way".

The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".

The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs about 100 pounds".

The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished weighing the mailman".

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 September 2011
  • Currently 3.58/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (57)

A passenger in a taxi leaned o...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 September 2010
  • Currently 7.68/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (41)

Eugene Mirman: If a Bear Attacks

Does anybody here know what to do if a bear attacks? A lot of people do think youre supposed to play dead, which is not what youre supposed to do. And the best thing about playing dead is -- thats like a rumor that bears spread.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 September 2011
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (37)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.