Jokes of the day for Saturday, 04 October 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 04 October 2014
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Worms

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in sperm - dead.
Fourth worm in soil - alive.

So the Science teacher asked the class - "What can you learn from this experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said - "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said - "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
#joke
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

One day Stan comes home from a...

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts taking her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head.

His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''

To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

After drinking, Men talk unnec...

After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional,
Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for nothing
Women can do all these without drinking!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Farmer Joe decided his injurie...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company, responsible for the accident, to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, 'I'm fine', at the scene of the accident?" asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for a long, drawn-out story," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side."
He continued, "I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then, he came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked at me and said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
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Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Frog-Benz

Frog-Benz | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

A Letter Addressed to God

A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to "God". A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: "Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500?" The postal employee was touched. He showed the letter to his fellow workers and all decided to kick in a few dollars each and send it to the family. They were able to raise $300.A couple of weeks later the same post office received a second letter addressed to God. The boy thanked God for the recent infusion of cash, but ended with this request: "Next time would you send the money directly to us? If you send it through the post office they deduct $200."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
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Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Good news...bad news...

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.

"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."

"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Calculate the number 483

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 483 using numbers [6, 8, 9, 6, 45, 212] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Yo mamma is so stupid!

Yo momma is so stupid when she went to a 24 hour store she asked what time does it close.

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

An Honest Lawyer

What do you call an honest lawyer?

An oxymoron.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

“Eastern European gym...

“Eastern European gymnast electrocuted in Pole Volt.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 79


Q: How many light bulb jokes does it take to change a light bulb joke?
A: Hmmmm - the probability that a given light bulb joke will be submitted to the net in any given week is .4, and the probability that it will have changed detectably since the last transmission is .2. Hence (assuming independence, which is reasonable since no submitter of a light bulb joke ever seems to know it has been submitted before, within the last 2 or 3 weeks), the probability that it will change in a given week is .08. So it takes about 12.5 light bulb jokes to change a light bulb joke.
A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Q: How many members of the royal family does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: "Actually none. As your queen I would like to reassure the people of the commonwealth that while our family may have had our Annus Horribilis and while some of us may have screwed in the stables or in the mud, none of us, to my knowledge, have actually screwed in a lightbulb."
Q: How many Royalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: That depends on how far up the succession list the lightbulb is. For lightbulbs within 50 (+or-5) of the throne, the total can be approximated by (10 000/n) where n = place in succession list.
Q: How many Austrailian Royalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but there is only one and she is old and not feeling that well these days so ... hurry!
Q: How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: [Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.
Q: How many Filipinoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don't know. The new bulb keeps getting shot at the airport.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 July 2013
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Two guys were riding in a car,...

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 October 2010
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Rating: 6.3/10 (38)

Exchange

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?

Exchange him.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Yisman

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 October 2011
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Rating: 3.6/10 (30)

Preventive medicine belief

Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

Doctor: Oh, really?

Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 October 2010
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