Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 01 March 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 01 March 2017
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (2494)

The little man was perfectly h...

The little man was perfectly harmless, but the lady sitting next to him in the car was a spinster, and suspicious of all males. So, since they were somewhat crowded on the seat, she pushed the umbrella between her knee and his and held it firmly as a barrier.
A shower came up, and the woman when she left the car, put up the umbrella. As she did so, she perceived that the little man had followed her. She had guessed that he was a masher, now she knew it. She walked quickly down the side street, and the man pursued through the driving rain. She ran up the steps of her home, and rang the bell...
When she heard the servant coming to the door, feeling herself safe at last, she faced about and addressed her pursuer angrily:
"How dare you follow me! How dare you! What do you want, anyhow?"
The drenched little man at the foot of the steps spoke pleadingly:
"If you please, ma'am, I want my umbrella."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

The Importance of Punctuation

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
'Just where do you think you going?' she asked.
'What do you mean?' I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: 'Thanks for putting up with me. So long.'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

“How do you catch a b

“How do you catch a bassoon? With a clarinet.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

What kind of car was he driving?

A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” the husband asked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I never can tell one car from another.”

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked.

About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. “Darling,” she said. “I hit a Buick!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Female IT Experts

Female IT Experts - Reading data directly from disc | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

 The Snowman

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Freeze
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

I'm inspired by Spring w

I'm inspired by Spring weather. It can be quite thaw-provoking.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Find number abc

If 68b10 - c6a78 = 4c1ac find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

An aged farmer and his wife we

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Golden Wedding Anniversary.
"Let's have a big party, Homer," she suggested. "You'll need to kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Teacher: "Class, in this final

Teacher: "Class, in this final exam, everybody should get at least 75% marks."

Student: "We are all trying for 100% sir!"

Teacher: "Are you being serious?"

Student: "Well, no sir. But it was you who cracked a joke first."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The Evangelizing Barber

There was a barber who paid close attention at his parish whenever the topic of evangelization was discussed. He thought he should be doing more to share his faith with his customers.The next morning the barber told the Lord in prayer, “Today I’m going to witness to the first customer who walks through my door.”A man came in as he opened his shop and said, “I need a shave.” The barber said, “Yes sir! Just have a seat and I’ll be right with you.” The barber went in the back and prayed a quick prayer saying, “Lord, the first customer just came in and I’m going to witness to him. Give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say. Amen.”Then the barber came out with his straight razor in one hand and a Bible in the other and told his customer, “I have a question for you: Are you read to meet your Maker?”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 January 2017
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Heros?

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging -- and accidentally

fell from a bridge into a very cold river.

Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident.

Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and

dragged the wet president out of

the river.

After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of

the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it,

I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to

Disneyland!"

"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. Clinton.

"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.

"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the

grateful defender of the Western Hemisphere.

"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the

third boy.

"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not

handicapped!"

"No -- but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved

from drowning."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 March 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (33)

Rest Area

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 March 2009
  • Currently 3.85/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (33)

You see....

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 March 2009
  • Currently 4.52/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (25)

When the porn star advertised ...

When the porn star advertised a free orgy, she was unprepared for the onslot.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 March 2010
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (22)

Paul F. Tompkins: Had to Be There

If something is inherently funny, its relatable after the fact. Anyone who says, You had to be there, should just not have told you the thing in the first place because its not funny.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 March 2012
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (20)

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