Jokes of the day for Saturday, 17 November 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 17 November 2018
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An African leader makes an off

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. As he's leaving, the Russian leader tells him that in Russia they have a farewell custom called "Russian Roulette", to demonstrate one's courage. The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder a spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger...click...empty chamber.
He hands the revolver to his African guest and says," Your turn." Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual... click....empty.
The next year, the Russian visits the African country. As he's leaving, the African tells him that he was very impressed with "Russian Roulette" and that he has devised an African ritual to demonstrate one's courage.
The African then disappears through a door, only to reappear a few minutes later smiling and says, "Your turn."
The African escorts the Russian through the door. In the room are 6 of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen. The African explains that he is to choose 1 of the women, who will perform oral sex on him.
Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage is this?"
The African calmly answers, "One of them is a cannibal."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

 Answering Machine Message 90


Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home":
You have reached 587-8783. Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I pick up the phone... There's still... Nobody home.")

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Conversion Dilemma

A Jewish man goes and visits a Rabbi about a personal concern of his."Rabbi," he says, "I am so upset about my son, I don't know what to do. I raised him a good Jew, taught him the Torah, and instructed him about the Sabbath. Well, I just learned at this last Passover that he converted to Catholicism. Please tell me what I should do to reason with him!"The Rabbi answers: "Funny you should mention this. The exact same thing happened to my son. I taught him everything I know to make him follow in my footsteps and become a good Rabbi like me, and the next thing I know, he converted to Catholicism and became a Priest! I truly don't know what to tell you: maybe we should ask Yahweh for some insights."To two men started praying: "Yahweh, G-d almighty, Creator of the Universe, please come to our rescue. Our firstborn sons have converted to Catholicism! What should we do?"A thundering voice responds: "WELL, TELL ME ABOUT IT!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

“The animal shelter r

“The animal shelter reports having received far fewer dogs this year. 'In fact,' says the shelter's director, 'this represents a mastiff reduction.'”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
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Rating: 2.7/10 (13)

Would you like to dance?

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 November 2015
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Three old men were sitting aro...

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.
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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
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Rating: 5.9/10 (51)

Find the 10 letters word

Find the 10 letters word. Word may go in all 8 directions.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

An old, tired-looking dog wand...

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2015
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Rating: 8.6/10 (30)

The flood of Trump-fearing Ame

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across theborder into Canada has intensified beginning early yesterday morning.
Trump’s victory is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens ofsociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists,and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywoodproducer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer RedGreenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold,exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-rangechicken.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higherfences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakersthat blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck theirfingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularlyconcerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border,pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, wherethey are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," anAlberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a singlebottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. Allthey had was a little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips.When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, oftenwailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-educationcamps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study theConstitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants arecreating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the BarbaraStreisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloadingjazzercise apps to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economyjust can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, howmany art-history majors does one country need?"
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 November 2016
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Rating: 4.0/10 (28)

Sergeants

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."

"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.

"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we's privates," says Jasper.

"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."

So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."

Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.

"Jasper," he says, "what fo' you give me the okay?"

"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2015
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Rating: 7.8/10 (27)

A lawyer was cross-examining t...

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
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Rating: 7.3/10 (24)

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