Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 08 October 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 08 October 2019
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

How to Embarrass The Kids

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“Two dead bodies were

“Two dead bodies were found inside a trunk this morning. Police are seeking the public's help, particularly in locating the rest of the elephant.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Two Martians landed on a corne

Two Martians landed on a corner with a traffic light.
"I saw her first," one Martian said.
"So what?" said the other. "I'm the one she winked at."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)


There were three g


There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talkingabout the amount of control they have over their wives, while thethird guy remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well,what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?'
The third fellow says, 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wifecame to me on her hands and knees.'
The first two guys were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked.
She said, "GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!".
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

My Wife Kicked Me Out

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad.
But don’t worry...
I’ll return!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Blind man and his dog...

A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 October 2016
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 An Old Occupation


What happens when people of different occupations get old.
- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
- Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
- Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
- Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
- Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
- Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
- Old investors never die, they just roll over.
- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
- Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
- Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor...
- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
- Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
- Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.
- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....
- Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
- Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
- Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
- Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
- Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
- Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.
- Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
- Old students never die, they just get degraded.
- Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
- Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.
- Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.
- Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 October 2014
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Why White?

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 October 2012
  • Currently 7.08/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (37)

Blondes on a plane

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.

Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2011
  • Currently 5.32/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (34)

In honor of Chuck Norris, all ...

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (33)

K9 Is For Assistance

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
#joke #blonde #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2016
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (28)

Jim Gaffigan: Wish I Was Ethnic

I wish I was ethnic; Im nothing. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. But if youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (23)

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