Jokes of the day for Saturday, 16 April 2022
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 16 April 2022 |
My friend Ian has a hollow leg
My friend Ian has a hollow leg. Happy Hollow Ian!Twin Brother In Prison
My twin brother called me from prison.
He said: “You know how we finish each other’s sentences?”
Door To Door
Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said:
“Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.”
The only sure things are Death...
The only sure things are Death and Taxes...and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.A laywoman was driving down...
A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”Ever since we got married...
Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market.""Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Ron White: Death Penalty in Texas
In Texas, we have the death penalty and we use it. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.Bedbugs In Love
Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.
Negotiations between union mem...
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.
"Wow!" he said. "Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"
Spiderman's Jacket
Did you know that Spiderman has a winter jacket made entirely of Mediterranean flat bread?
It's a Pita Parka.
Counting Her Own Eggs
What do you call a hen who counts her own eggs?
A mathemachicken.
Match
A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. "Heya, Wilbur," said Sam, the store owner. "Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?"
"You betcha, Sam. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?"
"Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a Match."
'Match? Never heard of it."
"Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this," Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants."
"Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Sam."
"Well, why not?"
"I can't be walking twelve miles to borrow your pants every time I want a fire."