Jokes of the day for Thursday, 02 February 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 02 February 2023 |
Which Australian mammal is mos
Which Australian mammal is most devious?An HMO Manager at the Pearly Gates
Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven.
St. Peter asked them to identify themselves
. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities."
St. Peter said, "You can enter.
"The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves."
St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care."
St. Peter said, "You can come in, too.
"But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."
Your Dreams
"Don't give up on your dreams."
"Really? You mean it?"
"Yeah, just keep sleeping."
Christmas shopping...
It is the Christmas season and the judge is in a benevolent mood. He asks the accused man, "Well, Mr. Jones, what crime were you accused of committing this time of the year ?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early, your honor," replies Mr. Jones humbly.
"That's no crime," comments the judge. "What time did you do your early Christmas shopping?"
"Just before the store opened."
Being Alone
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said it is quite cold out here can I come in? the man shouted NO why dont you all understand I want to be alone! and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said,
What did you do that for?
Nuns confession
A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun.He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says.
"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves.
Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack."
The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some.
The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."
She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass."
The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus"
With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver."
Invisible
A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."
Refrigerator Man
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''
Why did the dude only smell go...
Why did the dude only smell good on the right side? He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!Yannis Pappas - Nobody Wants to Have Kids
@yannispappas
Is it ironic when you think about it
that our parents and grandparents worked
so hard for us to have a better life,
and now we don't want to have kids
'cause we don't want them to ruin our life?
Watch the full clip here: http://on.cc.com/1vfPBSm
Half-Fare Special
One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
April Fool's Day - Suggestions
1. Put marbles in the hubcaps of someone’s car. 2. Leave cryptic notes warning someone of an impending prank then do nothing all day.
3. Rubber band the sprayer on the kitchen sink into the “on” position.
4. Place a pair of pants and shoes inside the only toilet stall in a rest room to make it appear someone is using it all day.
5. Pour vegetable oil on the exhaust of someone’s car so it will smoke when started up.
Admit That You Did That
An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.
He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
Again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,
"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."
The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"