Christmas jokes - jokes about christmas day (1 to 10)

Christmas jokes - jokes about christmas day (1 to 10) Jokes about christmas day. These are the jokes listed 1 to 10.
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The Happy Hangover

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

It's that last drink you really regret in the morning

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

#joke #christmas
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I'd like to build a barn

I'd like to build a barn over Christmas, if I can find space in my shed-yule.
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
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Encourage Someone Today

A young seminary student went home for Christmas break. A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town. The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.

The young preacher started his sermon by explaining the meaning of a substitute. "If you break a window," he said, "and then place a piece of plywood over the hole -- that's a substitute."

After the sermon, a well-intentioned woman wished to compliment the young man. As she enthusiastically shook his hand, she said: "You were no substitute. You were a real pane!"

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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The Good, the bad and the ugly

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
10. Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
#joke #lawyer #christmas
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
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MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (6, 7, 13, 19, 20, 22, 23, 26, 29) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Usual Question

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my text?"

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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British top 20 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2020

The TV channel Gold’s eighth annual ranking, which is chosen by a panel chaired by the comedy critic Bruce Dessau, was put to 2,000 UK voters. Check out top 20 jokes.

1. Q: What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song?
A: Driving Home for Christmas

2. Q: Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop?
A: Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

3. Q: Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
A: All Virgin flights were cancelled

4. Q: Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
A: They have herd immunity

5. Q: Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
A: Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen

6. Q: Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
A: Because eventually, it's behind you

7. Q: Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
A: Because there was no Zoom at the inn

8. Q: Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
A: He doesn't know how many tiers it should have

9. Q: What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
A: They put on a super spread

10. Q: Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
A: Home Alone

11. Q: How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly?
A: Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail

12. Q: Why won't Santa lose any presents this year?
A: He's downloaded Sack and Trace

13. Q: How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas?
A: It'll take ages to flatten the curve

14. Q: How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year?
A: Fine. No sweat

15. Q: Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials?
A: Because they only wanted guinea pigs

16. Q: Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner?
A: Eat Sprout To Help Out

17. Q: How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party?
A: Put him on mute

18. Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
A: He keeps a logbook

19. Q: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?
A: Marcus Rashford

20. Q: Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
A: Because they couldn't book a home delivery

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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22 Latest Christmas cracker jokes

What do you call an old snowman?
A: Water

Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A: A Christmas Quacker!

Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
A: Lost

Q: Why is the government like ancient Bethlehem?
A: It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

Q: Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
A: Carbon footprints

Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?
A: Dancer!

Q: What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?
A: Jingle smells

Q: Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
A: They were two deer.

Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?
A: A long jumper!

Q: What happens to elves when they are naughty?
A: Santa gives them the sack!

Q: What do you call a deer who can’t see?
A: No eye-deer!

Q: What is the best Christmas present?
A: A broken drum, you can't beat it!

Q: How does Christmas Day end?
A: With the letter Y!

Q: What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: Who delivers presents to cats?
A: Santa Paws!

Q: What says Oh Oh Oh?
A: Santa walking backwards!

Q: Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
A: Because they always drop their needles!

Q:How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
A: On the dark side!

Q: What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
A: Santa going through a revolving door!

Q: What did the sea Say to Santa?
A: Nothing! It just waved!

Q: What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
A: Santa Paws!

Q: What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
A: St Nickerless

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Christmas Return

Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for Christmas?"
Me: "Her son back!"

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Present Discussion

December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.
The argument always ends in a tie.

#joke #short #christmas #december
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Grammar 101

I’m giving up drinking until Christmas!
Sorry, bad punctuation.
I’m giving up, drinking until Christmas!

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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