Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (11 to 20)

Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (11 to 20) Jokes about doctor. These are funny jokes with doctors! These are the jokes listed 11 to 20.
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Lose weight

“To help me lose weight, my doctor recommends a glutton-free diet.”

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
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Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

A priest put up a signboard ou

A priest put up a signboard outside his church saying, "I pray for all."
A lawyer passing by wrote underneath, "I plead for all."
"I prescribe for all," scribbled a doctor.
"And I pay for all!" added a citizen.
#joke #short #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Marry a virgin

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when acaller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
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Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

High Holidays Seating Request Form

During the last Yom Kippur High Holiday, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

  1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
    ___ Talking section
    ___ No talking section
  2. If talking, which category do you prefer?
    (Indicate order of interest:)
    ___ Stock market
    ___ Sports
    ___ Medicine
    ___ General gossip
    ___ Specific gossip (choose from below:)
    ___ The rabbi
    ___ The cantor
    ___ The cantor's voice
    ___ The cantor's significant other
    ___ The rabbi�s significant other
    ___ Fashion news
    ___ What others are wearing
    ___ Why they look awful
    ___ My neighbors
    ___ My relatives
    ___ My neighbors' relatives
    ___ Presidential Election, results from
    ___ Who is cheating on/having an affair with whom
    ___ My children/grandchildren
    ___ Other:_______________________________
  3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
    __ Doctor
    __ Dentist
    __ Nutritionist
    __ Psychiatrist
    __ Child psychiatrist
    __ Podiatrist
    __ Chiropractor
    __ Stockbroker
    __ Accountant
    __ Lawyer, General Practice
    __ Criminal Lawyer
    __ Civil Lawyer
    __ Real estate agent
    __ Architect
    __ Plumber
    __ Buyer (Specify store:_____________ )
    __ Sexologist  (??)
    __ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
    __ Other:____________________________
  4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
    __ On the aisle
    __ Near the exit
    __ Near the window
    __ In Aruba
    __ Near the bathroom
    __ Near my in-laws
    __ As far away from my in-laws as possible
    __ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
    __ Near the pulpit
    __ Near single men
    __ Near available women
    __ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
    __ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
    __ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
    __ Where I can text from my iPhone (SHHHH)
  5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
    __ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
    __ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
    __ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
    __ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza
  6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
    (Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________

Your name:_________________________________
Building fund pledge (acknowledging and in grateful appreciation for
this change): $________________________

#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Diophantus was a Greek mathe...

Diophantus was a Greek mathematician who lived in the third century. He was one of the first mathematicians to use algebraic symbols. Most of what is known about Diophantus's life comes from an algebraic riddle from around the early sixth century. The riddle states: Diophantus's youth lasted one sixth of his life. He grew a beard after one twelfth more. After one seventh more of his life, he married. 5 years later, he and his wife had a son. The son lived exactly one half as long as his father, and Diophantus died four years after his son. How many years did Diophantus live?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

What don't you have?

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs..."

"Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't you have?"

The man answers, "Teeth."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

Pair of Gloves

Doctor: "I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. We have to operate on you again."
Patient: "Are you kidding me?!?! Tell you what Doc, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!"

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

A young woman gazed up from he

A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that you are a real lady killer."
The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

 I Get No Respect 06


"My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
"My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD."
"I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once... Doctor...every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me? He said..I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"
"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."
"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie."
"My dentist has bad breath......Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings."
"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...he said... Alright...you're ugly too!"
"I was so ugly...my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Is it a good baby?

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.

"Why is your stomach so big?" he asks.

"I'm having a baby," she replies.

"Is the baby in your stomach?" he asks, with his big eyes.

"Yes, it is," she says.

"Is it a good baby?" he asks, with a puzzled look.

"Oh, yes. A really good baby," the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
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Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Yawning All Day

A bicycle rolls into the doctor's office.
It says, “ Doc, you gotta help me! I can’t keep from yawning all day long.”
The doctor says, “ Well, I think it’s because you’re too tired.”

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Jokes Archive

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