Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (11 to 20)

A Break In Two Places

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.

After the eighty-three year ol

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"
"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said.
She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud, "Bob, do we still have intercourse?"
And there was a hush. You could hear a pin drop...
Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times... What we have is... Blue Cross*!"
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* The Blue Cross Blue Shield is a federation of 39 United States health insurance companies

Drinking Fluids

Doctor: "Have you been drinking fluids?"
Patient: "Jeez, Doc, that's literally all I drink."

The patient was lying in bed,

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

An older gent had an appointme

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"

There is one TV psychologist w

There is one TV psychologist who is a compulsive over-eater. They call him Doctor Fill My Craw.

The Complete Examination

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''

Two women had been having a fr

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems," Linda told her friend.
"That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist," said Linda.
"Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"
Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again.
"So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?" Mary asked.
"Things couldn't be better!" Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"
With that endorsement Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office.
"I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said.
"But doctor," Mary complained, "you did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?"
"Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of cheerios..."

The Lightning Strike

What did the teen tell his doctor upon waking up in the hospital during a thunderstorm?
He thought he was safe from the lightning because he was "grounded".

A man goes into hospital for a

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously, "Is there a problem?"
The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes, "I'm afraid so...I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy."
The patient is devastated and shockingly replies, "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection?"
The surgeon pauses for a moment then says, "Well, you might, but it won't be yours."