Lawyer jokes - jokes about lawyers (1 to 10)

Lawyer jokes - jokes about lawyers (1 to 10) Jokes about lawyer. These are funny jokes with lawyers! These are the jokes listed 1 to 10.
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Village doctor and a snowstorm

Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done. His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?"

Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."

#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

The bartender asks the guy sit

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please."
The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"
The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

“My lawyer wants to r

“My lawyer wants to represent Santa. He says if there is a Claus he will find a way to make money from it.”

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

A Word Without My Lawyer Present

Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.
Cop: You ARE the lawyer.
Lawyer: So where’s my present?

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A priest put up a signboard ou

A priest put up a signboard outside his church saying, "I pray for all."
A lawyer passing by wrote underneath, "I plead for all."
"I prescribe for all," scribbled a doctor.
"And I pay for all!" added a citizen.
#joke #short #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

High Holidays Seating Request Form

During the last Yom Kippur High Holiday, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

  1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
    ___ Talking section
    ___ No talking section
  2. If talking, which category do you prefer?
    (Indicate order of interest:)
    ___ Stock market
    ___ Sports
    ___ Medicine
    ___ General gossip
    ___ Specific gossip (choose from below:)
    ___ The rabbi
    ___ The cantor
    ___ The cantor's voice
    ___ The cantor's significant other
    ___ The rabbi�s significant other
    ___ Fashion news
    ___ What others are wearing
    ___ Why they look awful
    ___ My neighbors
    ___ My relatives
    ___ My neighbors' relatives
    ___ Presidential Election, results from
    ___ Who is cheating on/having an affair with whom
    ___ My children/grandchildren
    ___ Other:_______________________________
  3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
    __ Doctor
    __ Dentist
    __ Nutritionist
    __ Psychiatrist
    __ Child psychiatrist
    __ Podiatrist
    __ Chiropractor
    __ Stockbroker
    __ Accountant
    __ Lawyer, General Practice
    __ Criminal Lawyer
    __ Civil Lawyer
    __ Real estate agent
    __ Architect
    __ Plumber
    __ Buyer (Specify store:_____________ )
    __ Sexologist  (??)
    __ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
    __ Other:____________________________
  4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
    __ On the aisle
    __ Near the exit
    __ Near the window
    __ In Aruba
    __ Near the bathroom
    __ Near my in-laws
    __ As far away from my in-laws as possible
    __ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
    __ Near the pulpit
    __ Near single men
    __ Near available women
    __ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
    __ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
    __ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
    __ Where I can text from my iPhone (SHHHH)
  5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
    __ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
    __ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
    __ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
    __ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza
  6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
    (Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________

Your name:_________________________________
Building fund pledge (acknowledging and in grateful appreciation for
this change): $________________________

#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Good, Bad and Worse

Good, Bad and Worse
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You Can't find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.
Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

 Rules For Hunting Lawyers


Washington state attorney season and bag limits


1300.01 GENERAL
1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
BAG LIMITS










1.Yellow Bellied Sidewinder2
2.Two-faced Tort Feasor3
3.Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator5
4.Big-mouthed Pub Gut2
5.Honest AttorneyEXTINCT
6.Cut-throat2
7.Back-stabbing Whiner2
8.Brown-nosed Judge Kisser2
9.Silver-tongued Drug Defender$100 bounty


#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Also A Lawyer

What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer?
A father in law.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 Go Home And Wait


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 10, 1993
FBI and Florida authorities arrested Paul E. Flasher, 45, who had been sentenced to five years in prison in 1980 for grand theft but who had never been jailed.
Flasher said he had gone home from the sentencing hearing in Tampa and "sat tight," just as his lawyer had instructed, waiting for notification to report to prison. Authorities forgot him for 12 years.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.00/10

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