Lawyer jokes - jokes about lawyers (1 to 10)

Lawyer jokes - jokes about lawyers (1 to 10) Jokes about lawyer. These are funny jokes with lawyers! These are the jokes listed 1 to 10.
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (6859)

A Criminal Lawyer

'Excuse me,' a young fellow said to an older man, 'I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers?'
'Well,' replied the older man, 'I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet.'

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A blonde and a lawyer are seat

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LAtoNY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rollsover to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explainsthat the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you aquestion,and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, nowagitated,says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and, if Idon'tknow the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end tothis torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earthtothe moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pullsouta $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up ahillwith three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled,takesout his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. Hetapsinto the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library ofcongress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends andcoworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blondesays,"Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks,"Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde reaches into herpurse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

#joke #blonde #lawyer
Joke | Source: Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Good: Your hubby and you agree

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatiguesand carrying an AK47.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's you're best friend.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
#joke #lawyer #christmas
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

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How Are You Feeling?

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.
Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side."
He continued, "I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans."
"Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."
Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. "The patrolman looked at me and said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling'?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Both Sides of the Law

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”
“How should I know?” the man answers, “I’m not a lawyer!”

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Chicamote handmade accessories
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Haven't taken a shot a lawyers in a while so …..

Three friends, a Rabbi, a Hindu holy man and a lawyer, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, “There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” chimed the Rabbi, “My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening in their memory.” With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. “What’s wrong?” asked the farmer.  He replied, “I am grateful to you, good sir, but I can’t sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.”

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurred. There was a knock on the door.  “What’s wrong, now?” the farmer asked.  The Hindu holy man replied, “I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can’t sleep on holy ground!”

Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.

Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood…

The pig and the cow.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Stay Over One Night

A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

A lawyer defending a man accus...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

A witness was called to stand

A witness was called to stand to testify about a head-on automobile collision.
"Whose fault was this accident?" the lawyer asked.
"As near as I could tell," replied the witness, "they hit each other at about the same time."
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

High Holidays Seating Request Form

During the last High Holidays, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

  1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
    ___ Talking sectio
    ___ No talking section
  1. If talking, which category do you prefer?
    (Indicate order of interest:)
    ___ Stock market
    ___ Sports
    ___ Medicine
    ___ General gossip
    ___ Specific gossip (choose from below:)
    ___ The rabbi|
    ___ The cantor
    ___ The cantor's voice
    ___ The cantor's significant other
    ___ The rabbi's  significant other
    ___ Fashion news
    ___ What others are wearing
    ___ Why they look awful
    ___ My neighbors
    ___ My relatives
    ___ My neighbors' relatives
    ___ Presidential Election, results from
    ___ Who is cheating on/having an affair with whom
    _____ My children/grandchildren
    ___ Other:_______________________________
  1. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
    __ Doctor
    __ Dentist
    __ Nutritionist
    __ Psychiatrist
    __ Child psychiatrist
    __ Podiatrist
    __ Chiropractor
    __ Stockbroker
    __ Accountant
    __ Lawyer, General Practice
    __ Criminal  Lawyer
    __ Civil Lawyer
    __ Real estate agent
    __ Architect__ Plumber
    __ Buyer (Specify store:_____________ )
    __ Sexologist  (??)
    __ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
    __ Other:____________________________
  1. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
    __ On the aisle
    __ Near the exit
    __ Near the window
    __ In Aruba
    __ Near the bathroom
    __ Near my in-laws
    __ As far away from my in-laws as possible
    __ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
    __ Near the pulpit
    __ Near the Kiddush table (not applicable on Yom Kippur)
    __ Near single men
    __ Near available women
    __ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
    __ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
    __ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
    ___ Where I can use my iPhone
  1. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
    __ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
    __ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
    __ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
    __ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza
  1. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
    (Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________
    _________________________

Your name:_________________________________

Building fund pledge (acknowledging and in grateful appreciation for

this change): $________________________

#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

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