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Short jokes - funny one liners (3601 to 3640)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3601 to 3640. |
“I have a friend who
“I have a friend who owns a delivery service, is business picking up or dropping off?”
Answering Machine Message 181
(From a distance:) Hello I'm far very away from the phone at the moment and can't get to it to take your message, but I'll get back to you as soon as I get nearer to the phone!So many people buy t...
“So many people buy their groceries at the market on the corner that it seems to have a corner on the market.”
Moving Testimony
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"Some say I eat so mu...
“Some say I eat so much fruit that I must be going bananas, while others think I'm already plum crazy. I respond to those people by giving them the raspberry.”
What's your job?
Me: What's your job? Him: I'm an assassin.
Me: Good pay?
Him: I make a killing!
The recent developme...
“The recent development of synthetic meat is silly - why reinvent the veal?”
I just finished building a car using...
I just finished building a car using a motor from a washing machine. I'm going to take it for a spin later. A new neigbour arrives. The ki...
A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet.The local kid: "My mom was born in California! Where was your mom born?"
The other kid answers, "Alaska".
The first one replies, "Gee, then don't worry about it... I'll ask 'er myself!"
Shhhh!
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Sara: Gee, you smell good. Wha...
Sara: Gee, you smell good. What have you got on?Dave: Clean socks.
My Super Ex-Wife
My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences.She thought she was God.I disagreed. Answering Machine Message 11
Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to assure that nothing can go wrong... Gowrong... Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP
“The animal hairstyli
“The animal hairstylist at the zoo has become a mane attraction.”
Supermarket
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?""Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
A real estate agent was showin
A real estate agent was showing a woman through a beautiful room at the top of a large hotel."Now in this wing we have the master bedroom, bath and den."
The woman interrupted suspiciously, "And den what?"
Texting for Seniors
IMPORTANT – in today’s social media driven world, those of us over 60 need to learn the new CTSFOF’s “Common Text Symbols for Old Farts) Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"God please grant me chastity, but not just yet."- St. AugustineAnswering Machine Message 254
Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
Answering Machine Message 167
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your message be a busy signal!
People are always te...
“People are always telling me to keep my nose to the grindstone, but I'm afraid that will cause me to lose face.”
It's OK to borrow a...
“It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.”
Forgery is why some...
“Forgery is why some citizens get notices to appear at a courthouse.”
There was a sign han...
“There was a sign hanging in the window of a dry cleaners I passed by. It read: 'So-and-So Dry Cleaners. Working on the same spot for 72 years.'”
There's a glass and a half of...
There's a glass and a half of milk in each Cadbury chocolate block. I'm okay with the milk, it's the glass that worries me. Him: There is one word that wi...
Him: There is one word that will make me the happiest man in the world. Will you marry me?Her: No!
Him: That's the word!
Who Is the Real Virgin?
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible. But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"I'm surprised I'm...
“I'm surprised I'm not musically inclined because as a child my attitude was so bad that I often got my bell rung and was told to sing a new tune.”
A racehorse owner asked his jo...
A racehorse owner asked his jockey why he didn't ride his mount through a hole when it opened up just before the final turn."I tried," replied the jockey. "But it is impossible to go through a hole that is going faster than your horse."
I started a business...
“I started a business breeding chickens, but I'm struggling to make hens meet.”