This nun was taking a bath, wh...This nun was taking a bath, when there was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?," she cried.
"It's the blind man.," was the answer.
Says the nun, "Well, come on in and tell me your troubles."
In comes the man.
"Wow!" he says, "Where should I hang the blinds?"
Three nuns used to go to the c...Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants.
They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all.
When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, "Straight, straight, curly."
All CategoriesQ: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
As a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!"
A woman rings the police to as...A woman rings the police to ask if any lunatic has escaped from the asylum in the past week. "No, why?" says the person in charge.
"Someone's run off with my husband."
Chatting with a bull, a ...
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
The moral of the story is: bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Which is a winning combination of digits?
If the refrigerator and TV wer...If the refrigerator and TV weren't so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
You Should Learn To Be More Polite
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."
Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"
Men Are Made Up Of Useless ThingsDid you know that a man is made up of many useless
* He has an Adams apple that isn't an apple...
* Two calves that will never become cows...
* A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere...
* A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything...
* Twenty nails that won't hold a board...
* A chest that won't hold linen...
* Two tits that won't give milk...
* Two buns that won't feed anyone...
* A belly button that won't button...
* Two balls that won't roll...
* An ass that won't pull a plow...
* An organ that won't play music...
* A cock that won't crow...
.....And what are YOU laughing about?
You've got a pussy that won't catch mice!!
never, under any circumAmanpre...never, under any circumAmanpreetces, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Who Is God?A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"