Jokes of the day for Monday, 14 July 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 14 July 2008
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (152)

A man who went to Church with ...

A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out ..." and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty."

The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to ..." and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?" the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ." The Minister said "That's right, that's Right" and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to ..." and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off."

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

Blonde Medical Terminology
Blonde Medical Terminology

Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Lost....

An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you!" he said. "I've been lost for three days."

"Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

What kind of dog has four legs...

What kind of dog has four legs and one arm?
A Pit Bull!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Ted ran a successful flo...

Ted ran a successful flower shop. One day, right next door to his store, a bunch of monks opened up a flower shop too. They started doing so well they were putting him out of business, so he begged them to relocate. They didn't. He sent his sweet little old mother to beg them to move and they still refused. Ted was worried. So he hired the biggest, meanest guy in town, Hugh, to rough up the monks and send hem a message. Right after that the monks immediately packed up and relocated and all was right with the world. The moral of the story? Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.funnyordie.com/ - Funny or die, jokes, humor
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

A man walks into a bar a...

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed.

The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is.

All he says is, “All lawyers are assholes.”

A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take offence to that!”

The pissed-off guy asks him, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”

He replies, “No, I'm an asshole.”

#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Calculate the number 283

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 283 using numbers [5, 2, 8, 3, 58, 166] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

What falls but doesn't break, ...

What falls but doesn't break, and what breaks but doesn't fall? Night falls but doesn't break. Day breaks but doesn't fall.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Observation

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'.

He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight and taste."

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth.

His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Circumcision... At Your Age?

Two men are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in for?" The first man says.

"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.

"Damn," exclaims the first man, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.14/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (7)

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