The divorce judge asked Little...The divorce judge asked Little Johnny which parent he wanted to live with.
Little Johnny replied, "Not my daddy, he beats me...Not my mommy, either; she beats me, too."
Little Johnny thought for a minute, then exclaimed, "I know! I want to live with the New Orleans Saints! They don't beat anybody!"
Are you an honest lawyer...
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Why did the tightrope walker g...Why did the tightrope walker got to the bank?
To check his balance
Graeme Fraser, Marchmont
Why do cows lie down when it's raining?
To keep each udder dry.
Scrabble (or People with...
Scrabble (or People with a Lot of Time on Their Hands
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
Do you know there's a harsh pu...Do you know there's a harsh punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Knock Knock Collection 080
Hal about Eve!
Haliburt a kiss sweetheart!
Halifax you if you fax me!
Handel with care!
Which is a winning combination of digits?
An Unusual PrayerLittle Anne had been exceedingly naughty and during the
dinner hour she was forced to eat alone in the corner at a
card table. When everyone was seated, Father bowed his head
and gave thanks.
Then little Anne gravely bowed her head and said "Thank You
Dear Lord, for preparing a table before me in the presence of
A manager brings a dog ...A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.Â He plays all the
standards.Â He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.Â The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”
The manager says,
“That's his mother.Â She wants him to be a doctor.”
Seen in ...Seen in real CVs:
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"I was working for my mum until she decided to move."
A duck walks into a drugstore ...A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the Pharmacist "gee, can you help me out. I need to buy some prophylactics but I forgot my wallet."
The Pharmacist replies "no problem, I'll just put them on your bill."
The Duck responds "gee Doc, that is not the way I planned to use them!"