Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 24 December 2008
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (113)

Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) ar...

Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore.

Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers " Yes".

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob; "How about Viagra"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (8)

Playing house...

A couple of young children are at day care one day when one of the little girls approaches Tommy and says, "Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?"

"Sure! What do you want me to do?" he asks.

The little girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" questions a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means..."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

In the Eyes of the Lord<...

In the Eyes of the Lord

A guy enters confessional and says to the priest with guilt, "I had an affair...almost."

The priest says, "What do you mean Â’almost?Â’"

The guy says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped."

"In the eyes of the Lord, rubbing against each other is the same as putting it in," says the priest. "For your penance, say five Hail MaryÂ’s and put $20 in the poor box."

The guy leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment then starts to leave.

The priest, seeing this, quickly runs over to him and says, "You didnÂ’t put any money in the poor box!"

The guy stops and says, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $20 on the box, and in the eyes of the Lord, thatÂ’s the same as putting it in."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Fortune cookie saying #39: A c...

Fortune cookie saying #39: A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Vermont Crazy Law


  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

  • Whistling underwater is illegal.


  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

    Barre


  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.





    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

    You know you are in a Texas church when

    People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

    The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.

    The restrooms are outside.

    Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

    A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

    When it rains, everyone is smiling.

    Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

    The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".

    The pastor wears boots.

    Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

    There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

    Baptism is referred to as "branding".

    There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.

    Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

    High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.

    People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

    People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.

    The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 4.67/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

    Find number abc

    If 6c533 - b33a0 = 44153 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    What did Mr and Mrs Snowman pu...

    What did Mr and Mrs Snowman put over their baby's cot?
    A snowmobile.

    Mark Wilson, Joppa
    Share your jokes with us by e-mailing letters_ en@edinburghnews.com


    The full article contains 32 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
    Page 1 of 1

    • #joke
    Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
    • Currently 5.50/10

    Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

    A manager brings a dog ...

    A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
    The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
    standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
    when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
    out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

    The manager says,
    “That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
    • Currently 5.13/10

    Rating: 5.1/10 (32)

    A ten-year-old Jewish boy was ...

    A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

    After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face.

    He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

    This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened, laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room.

    Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.

    Was it the nuns that did it? the father asked. The boy shook his head and said "No."

    Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring? "No."

    The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?

    "No," said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they were serious!

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 September 2008
    • Currently 4.29/10

    Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

    Differe...

    Differences Between You and Your Boss

    When you take a long time, you're slow.
    When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

    When you don't do it, you're lazy.
    When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

    When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
    When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

    When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
    When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

    When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
    When your boss does it, he's being firm.

    When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
    When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

    When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
    When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

    When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
    When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

    When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
    When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 August 2008
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

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