Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) ar...Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore.
Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers " Yes".
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Jacob; "How about Viagra"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them."
A couple of young children are at day care one day when one of the little girls approaches Tommy and says, "Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?"
"Sure! What do you want me to do?" he asks.
The little girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings."
"Communicate my feelings?" questions a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means..."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
In the Eyes of the Lord<...
In the Eyes of the Lord
A guy enters confessional and says to the priest with guilt, "I had an affair...almost."
The priest says, "What do you mean Â’almost?Â’"
The guy says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped."
"In the eyes of the Lord, rubbing against each other is the same as putting it in," says the priest. "For your penance, say five Hail MaryÂ’s and put $20 in the poor box."
The guy leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment then starts to leave.
The priest, seeing this, quickly runs over to him and says, "You didnÂ’t put any money in the poor box!"
The guy stops and says, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $20 on the box, and in the eyes of the Lord, thatÂ’s the same as putting it in."
Fortune cookie saying #39: A c...Fortune cookie saying #39: A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Vermont Crazy Law
You know you are in a Texas church whenPeople grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
The restrooms are outside.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
When it rains, everyone is smiling.
Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.
The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".
The pastor wears boots.
Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.
The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B-C
What did Mr and Mrs Snowman pu...What did Mr and Mrs Snowman put over their baby's cot?
Mark Wilson, Joppa
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