Jokes of the day for Sunday, 04 January 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 04 January 2009
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (175)

The top 10 Dog complaints abou...

The top 10 Dog complaints about humans

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for walks, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo!!! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous
#joke
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

#joke
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (28)

Chicken

guesse what?....... chicken butt
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (19)

Need a good condom

A huge Indian walks into a convinient store.

"I need a good condom" The cashier replies: "Here's a pretty good one. This should be fine."

The next day the Indian returns.

"Me go ugh. Wive go ugh. Condom go CAPOW!"

cashier: "Well here, try this one. It's our heavy duty condom. This can stand up to anything."

The next day the Indian returns.

"Me go ugh. Wive go ugh. Condom go CAPOW!"

cashier: "That's insane! Here try this one. It's made out of pure tire rubber. This thing could stand up to King Kong."

The next day the Indian returns.

"Me go ugh. Wive go ugh. Condom go ugh. Left nut go CAPOW!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

A manager brings a dog ...

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

The manager says,
“That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 December 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (33)

Man's wife asks him to go to t...

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!"

"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with he

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 June 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

What hides this stereogram?

Stereogram - 3D Image
CHECK ANSWER
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