Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 17 February 2009
  • Currently 9.46/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (39)

Q: I heard th...

Q: I heard that french horn players make for good kissers...
A: ...the problem is where they put their right hand.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Dave: I got this great new hea...

Dave: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.
Mary: Are you wearing it now?
Dave: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's top of the line.
Mary: Wow! What kind is it?
Dave: Twelve-thirty
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

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The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy

David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.
Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.
David: Oh? What are they going to do?
Ali: Circumcise me!
David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.
Ali: Did it hurt?
David: I couldn't walk for a year!

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (17)

New Exercises for Older People...

New Exercises for Older People

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Wealthy Investors


A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."
The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (2, 5, 6, 18, 21, 22, 35, 38, 39, 85) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A*B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Police Dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

"Also," says the director, "You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

"There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."

With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

The products which we offer are handcrafted items made of natural materials such as finest quality wool from the Sharr Mountains, silk, cotton and lace. It is all blended with natural soap....and...creativity. Here are some beautiful and unique fashion accessories.

What do you call a Spaniard wh...

What do you call a Spaniard who loses his car?
Carlos
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Beggar: Can you spare a hundre...

Beggar: Can you spare a hundred so I can buy a loaf of bread? Passerby: Bread doesn't cost a hundred! Beggar: I know, I'm expecting some company.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Big Chief

A young reporter is out on her first assignment, a full piece story on the local Indian reservation and it's tribe. The first day the reporter arrives and is greeted by a young Indian with one feather in his headband.

The reporter asks "What is the one feather for?"

The indian replies "One feather for one woman I sleep with."

"Oh, ok." replies the reporter, kind of thrown off guard by his response.

The next night at dinner the reporter meets the Chiefs son, who has 20 feathers in his headband, so the reporter asks "What are the 20 feathers for?"

"20 feathers for 20 women I sleep with." he says.

The reporter replies "Oh, gosh! That's a lot!"

The chiefs son says "Come, me introduce you to Chief"

So finally, the reporter is introduced to the tribes Chief and the Chief has this long flowing fancy head-dress with feathers down to the floor and dragging behind him.

The reporter must ask: "Chief, what are all the feathers for?"

The Chief says "Each feather for each woman I sleep with."

"Oh, dear!" says the reporter.

Quickly, the Chief replies, "Deer? Deer no good, ass too high, run through bush too fast!!"

Edited by Curtis and Calamjo

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

Cat Rescue

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.
Hey, lady, yells Larry, Throw me the cat!
No, she cries, Its too far!
I play football. I can catch him!
The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and he runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one-handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.
Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

My kids love going to the Web,...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (5)

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