JOKES OF THE DAY

- You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't

remember the name of the incumbent.

- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

- You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.

- You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the

Salt River.

- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

- You can say 115 degrees without fainting.

- You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over

100 degrees.

- You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.

- You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your

car.

- You can make sun tea instantly.

- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use

your fireplace.

- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of

distance.

- You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

- Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

- You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San

Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and

Tlaquepaque".

- It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person

is moving on the streets.

- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

- Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout

counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just

to go to Circle K.

- Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools

will actually buy them.

- Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter

than the air inside.

- No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

- You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."

Q: What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
A: They're hiring.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: 'Dam.'

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.

Q: What's a cat's favorite breakfast?
A: Mice Krispies.

Q: How does a lion like his steak?
A: Medium roar.

Q: What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
A: French flies.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q: How do you get a kleenex to dance?
A: Put a boogie in it!

Q: Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
A: He's all-right now!

Bill says, "I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me 5 dollars, then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I give you 5 dollars back."

John says no and turns back over to get some sleep. Bill says he'll make it more interesting and up John's payback to 50 bucks in the event Bill doesn't know the answer. John agrees. Bill asks, "How far is the moon from the sun?." John just pulls out his wallet and hands Bill 5 bucks.

Bill says, "Okay, now it's your turn!." John thinks for a second and asks, "What has 3 legs going up one side of a hill and 4 legs coming down the other?." Bill is stumped. He checks his laptop computer, makes a few calls on the Air-Telephone then returns and hands John 50 bucks. John then rolls over to go back to sleep. Bill finally says, "I give up! What's the answer?." John just reaches into his wallet and hands Bill another five bucks.

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.

Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”

“He came from heaven, Johnny.”

“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”


This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.