Jokes of the day for Monday, 30 March 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 30 March 2009 |
The seven dwarfs went off to w...
The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"
"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"
The Devil And The Golfer
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"A visitor to a college campus ...
A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway.""Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
"Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"
"Yes, indeed. He wrote a check."
Do You Reject the Devil?
A priest came to a dying author to read him his last rites.
"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the author.
This nun was taking a bath, wh...
This nun was taking a bath, when there was a knock on the door."Who is it?," she cried.
"It's the blind man.," was the answer.
Says the nun, "Well, come on in and tell me your troubles."
In comes the man.
"Wow!" he says, "Where should I hang the blinds?"
Dad: Junior, how did you get y...
Dad: Junior, how did you get your clothes ripped? Son: I was trying to stop a boy from getting beat up. Dad: Oh? What boy? Son: Me!Baldness...
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.
"Mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."
What do you call two r...
What do you call two raincoats in a cemetery?Obscene caller
Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action.""Listen Honey," drawled the lady, "If you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."
Jim Gaffigan: Bologna
Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Whos that for? I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive. Ill have the bologna sandwich -- dirty.People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full
People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable. Who Should Have The Toy?
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
A Lesson – How to Find the Best Airline Price
I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery salesperson replied.
“And what about Salt Lake City?”
“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake—$99,” she said, “but there is a stopover.”
“Where?”
“In Denver,” she said.