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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Apr the 1st 2009
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Penguin Delivery |
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver \$100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.
An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.
The zoo worker yells, I gave you a \$100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?
Calm down, the bus driver says, I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now Im taking them to the movies. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Journalism Degree |
| What do you call an advanced degree in sensationalistic journalism?
A doctor-it degree. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Write For Mail Order |
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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| Mom: Junior, stop making all that noise in here and go play outside. Your father can't read his newspaper. Son: Really? I'm only eight and I can read it! |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Aging... |
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half."
You're never 36 and a half . . . You're four and a half going on 5.
You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number. "How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.
Then the great day of your life; you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony.
You BECOME 21 . . . Yes!!
Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED! We had to throw him out. What's wrong?
What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.
Then you're PUSHING 40 . . . stay over there. You REACH 50.
You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; You're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60.
By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday . . .
You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one." And it doesn't end there . . .
In the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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You Know You're a Queen if...
If you still can't get over the fact that Sunday in the Park with George lost out to La Cage Aux Folles in nearly every category in the 1984 Tony's, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| One day the preacher's wife went to the local butcher shop looking for the family dinner. She walked in and asked the butcher what was his choice of the day. The butcher replied " I recommend the "God Damn Ham"!! The preacher's wife turned bright red and replied "I am the preachers wife, how can you say such things to me!! "No No replied the butcher, The name of the ham is "God Damn Ham." Oh, well then said the preacher's wife, I'll take a nice big piece. The preacher arrives home and says "Honey, what's for dinner?" The wife promptly replies "God Damn Ham." The preacher in turn (praying for his wife's soul) "Oh dear, how can you say such a thing when your a preacher's wife?" "No! No! my dear," replies the wife, "the name of the ham is "God Damn Ham." The preacher then calms down and prepares for the family dinner. At dinner time the preacher, wife, son, & daughter sit down for the family dinner. The preacher says a blessing for the evening meal and proceeds to say "AMEN. Honey pass me the God Damn Ham."... At that the teenage son's eyes light up and he slaps the preacher on the back and says " THAT'S THE SPIRIT DAD, PASS THE F#%\$KEN POTATOES!!" |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Restless Little Girl
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A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Q: What is a blonde's favorite wine?
A: Daddy, I want to go to Miami! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.
After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records,
the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.
The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor
with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place:
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors.
We have them locked.
You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right.
Everyone here is an FBI agent.
Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear?
We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so.
Click. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards! |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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5 Things Women Will Never Understand |
| Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it's annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they'll never understand... |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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