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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Apr the 29th 2009
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Cracking the Human Resource Code |
COMPETITIVE SALARY
Most of our competitors dont pay much either.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY
We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
Youll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.
MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED
Your first four projects are already way overdue.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Did we mention that youll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.
DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED
Female applicants must be childless.
APPLY IN PERSON
If youre old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executives nephew.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
Due to consolidation, youll be replacing three people.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
This company is a total mess.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
Youll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Listen to management, figure out what they want, dont ask too many questions and get the sh*t done. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Overweight Blonde |
| An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 176 |
The party you dialed is not available. Your call is being diverted to an alternate number. Please stand by... (Ring...) The number you dialed must be dialed by your 0 operator. (Click, beep, dial tone.)
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| Diner: I'd like some coffee without milk. Waiter: We don't have any milk, sir. How about coffee without cream? |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| What did the gangster's son say to his father when he failed an exam?
"Dad, they questioned me for three hours but I told them nothing."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.... |
A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.
The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"
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Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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A nurse and a doctor met at a medical convention one day. Right away they hit it off quite well. As the day went on, they got to know each other better. They decided to go to lunch together. While they were waiting for lunch the Nurse excused herself to go to the ladies room to wash her hands. When she got back, they ate lunch and chatted some more. Then just before they left, she excused herself again to go wash her hands.
As the day went on, they decided that they would meet that night at his hotel room and get to know each other better. That night, when the Nurse first got there, she asked to use his wash room to wash her hands. Then she came out and they talked, kissed, petted and started getting really aroused. They finally moved their love making to the bedroom, but on the way there, the nurse stopped at the bathroom and washed her hands again. They had sex which the doctor found was very enjoyable. Afterwards, the nurse excused herself to wash her hands again.
When she came back to the bedroom, the doctor said, "I would bet any amount of money that you are a surgical nurse."
The nurse replied, "You are right. How did you know that?"
The doctor said, "It is obvious. You are constantly washing your hands."
The nurse said in reply, "And I would bet anything that you are an Anesthesiologist."
"Very good." replied the doctor. "How did you know that?"
The Nurse replied, "Because I didn't feel a thing." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost. Â Frankly, you've not been much help so far." The man below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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A Pious Old Man
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A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue.
Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Pilot Choice |
| As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats aroundhim. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalog! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Jack,
I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.
"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned." |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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