JOKES OF THE DAY

provided the answer to, "Where do pets come from?"

Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with

me everyday. Now I don't see you anymore. I'm lonesome here

and it's difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you

that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of

my love for you, so that you will love me even when you

cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or

unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as

you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And

it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal

was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam

said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the

Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem, because I have created this new

animal to be a reflection of my love for you. His name will

be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him

'Dog.'"

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved

him.

And Adam was comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel

came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with

pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he

is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is

loved, but perhaps too well."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a

companion who will be with him forever and who will see him

as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations,

so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would

not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he

was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.

And Adam was pleased.

And the Dog was pleased.

And the Cat didn't care one way or the other.

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'Getting a little action' means, 'I don't need to take any fiber today.'

'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

You start saying things like, 'Gee, this sebaceous cyst is killing me!'

Someone mistakes you for a sun-dried tomato while you're shopping at the grocery store.

An 'all nighter' means not getting up to pee!

Farmer Brown buys twelve pigs at an auction, only to discover that they are all female. He immediately calls Farmer Jones to ask if he can bring them over to mate with his male pigs. "Sure", says Farmer Jones.

Farmer Brown loads his twelve pigs into the truck. When they get to the Jones farm, the pigs jump out and spend the day mating with the males. Before he leaves, Farmer Brown says, "By the way, I've never had pigs before. How will I know if they're pregnant?"

"Well," says Farmer Jones, "look for signs of unusual behavior. That's usually how you know."

The next morning, Farmer Brown looks out his window and sees nothing unusual. So he loads the pigs up and brings them to the Jones' farm again. The following morning, the pigs are still behaving normally, so, once again, he takes them to the Jones' farm. The next morning, he feels too discouraged to look out the window. "Honey," he says to his wife, "would you mind telling me if our pigs are doing anything unusual?"

Well, she says, "eleven of them are in the back of the truck and the twelfth one's blowing the horn."

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."