Jokes of the day for Thursday, 15 October 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 15 October 2009
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (59)

Emergency Landing

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Mapmakers are sure to get into...

Mapmakers are sure to get into heaven. They will have no trouble reaching the Perly gates.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A man and woman doing staff in...

A man and woman doing staff in bed after midnight. At one point they hear a car noise and a strong brake.

Woman: "Take your staff and run on the window. I think that's my husband."

The man panics, jumps out of bad, takes his clothes from all over the place, and jumps on the window.

After a while the same guy with his clothes knocks at the door: "Hey wife, I think we are a little bit stressed."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

Okay, so a Texan rancher comes...

Okay, so a Texan rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine. The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, "Say, how much land you think you got here?" Mainer: 'Bout 10 acres I'd say." Texan (boasting): Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!" Mainer: "Yep, I got one of them trucks too."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Making a Wedding Bearable

Little Johnny was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and then turn to the crowd, put his hands up like claws and roar.
That’s the way it went all down the aisle: step, step, ROAR…step, step, ROAR…step, step, ROAR.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing by the time he reached the pulpit. When the priest who was celebrating the wedding asked what he was doing, Little Johnny sniffed nad said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (1, 3, 5, 8, 25, 27, 30, 38, 40, 42, 43) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

What happened when the...

What happened when the hyena swallowed an Oxo cube? He became a laughing stock!
Hilary Rae
How do young wizards and witches correct their homework?
They use a spell-checker.
#joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Different ways to say your not so bright...

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off her cracker.

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Chimney's clogged.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slinky's kinked.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

24 cents short of a quarter.

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (5)

Question And Answer Animal Jokes


Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.
Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.
Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.
Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?
A: Look at the orange mama laid.
Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they'd break.
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?
A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

Pig in summer

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?

"I'm bacon!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.78/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (9)

A doctor, a lawyer, a little b...

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 August 2009
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

ATTORNEY: Do you know if you...

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 April 2009
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

Billy Ray

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 October 2008
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

Legless Poodle

What do you call a poodle with no legs?

A sponge.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 October 2008
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Can U Read It

Briteesh destraayed avar kantry faar 150 earss. let uss destraay deree laangvedge foryever.... Do yit yand yenjaaay.... :-)

Yeast aar Waist aavar caantry iss da BAIST!!!!!!!!!!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 October 2008
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Bowling ball humor...

I worry about the germs in the holes of bowling balls. Nobody cleans those holes. There are years of impacted pizza fingers in there. Taco fingers. Chicken fingers. I'm amazed those balls still have holes. Ever smell a bowling ball hole? You think the balls are knocking down the pins? You're wrong. The pins are passing out from the smell.

-- Carolyn May

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 October 2008
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Doctor, doctor, I think I've g...

Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funny colour.
Nonsense, it's just a pigment of your imagination.

Denny Crouch, Willowbrae

If you have a joke you'd like to share e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 October 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.