Jokes of the day for Saturday, 24 October 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 24 October 2009
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (67)

One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."

#joke
Joke | Source: Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
  • Currently 6.18/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (44)

NED: Please show me your belly...

NED: Please show me your belly button.
ED: Huh?
NED: It's a matter of national security. Please, show me your belly button!
ED: What are you talking about. Go away!
NED: I'm collecting navel intelligence!!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

It was three o'clock in the mo...

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming.

"Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!!"

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.

"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

TEACHER: What do you call a pe...

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?
PUPILS: A teacher.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

Easter Bunny

"A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Pew Duty

The custodian of a church quit, and the pastor of the church asked the organist if she would be able also to clean the church sanctuary.
The organist thought before replying,” Do you mean that I know have to mind my keys and pews?”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS ...

TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS A WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.
8. Hey, get a whiff of that one!
7. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpits are too cute.
6. This diamond is just way too big.
5. Does this make my ass look too small.
4. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
3. Wow! It really is 14 inches!
2. I think hairy balls are so sexy.
1. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (7)

Dictaphone

A secretary goes into her boss office and asks, May I use your dictaphone? He replies, No. Use your finger like everyone else.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A Little Quarrel

A man and his wife started out in the car after a quarrel. She sat in the back seat and continued to berate him for his faults. In her excitement she pounded on the car door and it flew open. Several blocks later one of their neighbors flagged the man down.

"Your wife fell out of the car back there," he said.

The man looked over at the back seat. "Thank goodness!" he said, "I thought I had lost my hearing!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Knock Knock Collection 184


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Valencia!
Valencia who?
Valenicia dollar, will you pay it back?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Value!
Value who?
Value be my Valentine?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa bus be along in a minute!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa going to grow up?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vanilla!
Vanilla who?
Vanilla call the doctor?

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

Camel time

There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square.

The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square.

One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. "What time is it, sir?"

The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand, and raises them up and down.

"It's about 2:00", he says.

The tourist can't believe what he just saw.

He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2:00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story,

"The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals!"

One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens!! It is 2:05.p.m.

He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done.

He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals.

The local says "Sit down here and grab the camel's genitals". "Now, lift them up in the air.

Now, look underneath them to the other side of the courtyard, where that clock is hanging on the wall."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

Drunks

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend. "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

What is pink and fluffy?

... What is pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What is purple and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many o...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 April 2009
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A man with no arms and no legs...

A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun.

All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed have you?"

The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends down and plants a good one right on the mouth.

A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.

He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great one, and walks away. A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks by. She stops, a sultry
smile on her face and looks down at him.

"Mister," she says, "have you ever been fucked?"

"No," he says with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you are now, The tide's coming in."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 October 2008
  • Currently 5.39/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (33)

Chastity Belt

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."

So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong," he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 October 2008
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinkin...

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a snail.
Don't worry, we'll soon have you out of your shell.

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 October 2008
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Downsizing - Funny Jokes

Signs Your Company is Going to Downsize

10.  Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
9.  Dr. Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
8.  Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very
friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
7.  The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
6.  Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
5.  Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
4.  Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the
local Taco Bell.
3.  Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus
Store” are discontinued.
2.  Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String,
pliers and 2 aspirin).
1.  Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked
with all existing departments in the Company.

Remember folks, “We're not Downsizing, we're Rightsizing!!”

#joke #beer

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 October 2008
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

Why did the cannibal want to l...

Why did the cannibal want to live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 October 2008
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Jokes Archive

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