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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Dec the 25th 2009
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Joe’s Workaholic Streak Is Getting Out Of Hand |
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Permalink | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
Rating: 3.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Christmas In Heaven |
| Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who SHOULD go to hell - but because its Christmas, hell let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of panties. How do those represent Christmas? asks Peter. These are Carols. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Astrology |
| I don't believe in astrology...
I'm a Sagittarian and we're
skeptical.
- Charles Schultz |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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The Name Of Your Wife |
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.
"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.
"I was a good father," he answers.
"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let’s get out of here."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Grasshopper |
A grasshopper hops into a bar and onto a barstool. The bartender says to the grasshopper, "Did you know we have a drink named after you?"
And the grasshopper replies, "Really?! You have a drink named Steve?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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When the Circus Is in Town
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The Catholic parish was having its penitential rite in preparation for Christmas. The circus was in town and the tumbler decided to go to the service and make his confession.
The priest he confessed to was sitting next to the communion railing. The tumbler confessed his sins and then told the priest what he did for a living. The priest was fascinated. Using the communion rail, the tumbler gave the priest a demonstration of his moves.
Two women were in line, watching all this. Mable said to her friend, "If that is what the Father is giving for a penance, I had better go home and put on my pantsuit."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Blaise CP |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Moving to Nevada |
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She answers, 'I'm moving to Nevada . I heard prostitutes there get paid \$400 for doing what I do for you for free.'
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom & sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on \$800 a year.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Bruce and Sheila have been seeing each other for a while and Sheila asks Bruce to meet her on the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Sheila: I’ve got something to tell you, Bruce…I’m preganant and if you don’t marry me, I’m going to jump off this bridge into Sydney Harbour.
Bruce: That’s what I like about you, |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the flight attendant asks what they would like to drink. "Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot. The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!" The fight attendant runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty. Half an hour later the fight attendant makes a second round. The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke. Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper. The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 6.1/10 (7 votes cast) |
An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man was a real smart aleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright."
Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
| Chimneys make Santa Claustrophobic. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Where you Working |
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in Management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. The blonde is looking at the bulletin board and she sees a piece of paper that sais "Ocean Cruise Only 5\$" She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stood up and nocks the blonde unconcious. When the blonde wakes up she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea. When she sees one of her freinds (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her. In a Joking manner blonde she looks at her freind and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?"
The other blonde replies "They didn't serve any last year." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 4.0/10 (13 votes cast) |
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Christmas Day Jokes - One Liners #joke #Christmas |
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..!
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles!
What's Christmas called in England?
Yule Britannia!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!
Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Beacause a little water ends both of them!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
Platform shoes!
What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I'm going out tonight!
Whats happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy!
How long does it take to burn a candle down?
About a wick!
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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