Testament DefectiveNot sure if it's true.....
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun.
A husband stepped on one of th...A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Sunday, 10 January 2010
Taking the Final Exam #humor #jokeTwo college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."
He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
The Perfect Man
The Perfect Man
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel and never mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man loves children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
And a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his love to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain.
He will never make you cry
or batter you in any way
To hell with this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.
Midget HQ is in the sM...Midget HQ is in the sMall of America.
An attorney ran over to the of...An attorney ran over to the office of his client. “I can’t believe it!” said the angered attorney. “You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our case? That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we’re certain to lose this case!” “Relax,” said the client, “I sent it in the prosecutor’s name.”
Calculate the number 799
Be My ValentineA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Three HillbilliesThree Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze
1st Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. "
2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?"
1st Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"
2nd Hillbilly says: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!"
1st Hillbilly says: "Why is that so stupid?"
2nd Hillbilly says: "'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"
3rd Hillbilly says: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar."
1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: "Well, what's so dumb about that?"
3rd Hillbilly says: "She ain't got no pecker.
I saw this man the other day w...I saw this man the other day with a penguin, he was looking sad. I asked him what he was doing with a penguin and he said that he had found it. I told him to take it to the Zoo. And with that he left.
I saw him again this morning he was still with the penguin, this time with a smile on his face. I asked him about the penguin and if he had taken it to the Zoo.
He said, "Yes I did that yesterday, today we are going to the theater."
Tied In An Election
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993
Richard Kyle won his Arizona House seat in November more easily than he had won the Republican primary in September. He and his primary opponent, John Gaylord, had tied and had agreed to settle things with one hand of five-card stud dealt by the speaker of the Arizona House.
Kyle's pair of sevens put him into the general election.
Switched cocksWhile the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
Lead Guitarists and Light BulbsQ: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. The guitarist holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.
A CUSTOMER walks into a restau...A CUSTOMER walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: "£500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
My Evil Brother Was A Saintâ€¦
There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.
A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint."
The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.
The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
A woman walks into her Gynecol...A woman walks into her Gynecologist and the doctor says "Miss why do you have "F" on your stomach"?
The woman replies: "I went to bed last night with Fred and refused to take off his belt".
A couple of weeks later, she goes to her Gynecologist again and the doctor says: "Miss why do you have "C" imprinted on your stomach"?
The woman replies: "I went to bed with Chris last night and he refused to take his belt off".
A couple of months pass, the woman goes to her Gynecologist again, and this time the woman has "F and C" imprinted on her stomach.
The doctor says: "Miss now I know you didn't go to bed with Fred and Chris last night".
And the woman replies: "No, I went to bed last night with the Fire Chief and he refused to take off his helmet".