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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Jan the 10th 2010
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Pulled Over For A Nap |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Lead Guitarists and Light Bulbs |
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. The guitarist holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Switched cocks |
| While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Tied In An Election |
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993
Richard Kyle won his Arizona House seat in November more easily than he had won the Republican primary in September. He and his primary opponent, John Gaylord, had tied and had agreed to settle things with one hand of five-card stud dealt by the speaker of the Arizona House.
Kyle's pair of sevens put him into the general election.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| A CUSTOMER walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: "£500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye bread. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five £100 notes down on it and says: "You got me that time mate, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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A Good Beer... |
Q: What do you call a beer that makes you laugh?
A: A Brew Ha Ha |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
I saw this man the other day with a penguin, he was looking sad. I asked him what he was doing with a penguin and he said that he had found it. I told him to take it to the Zoo. And with that he left.
I saw him again this morning he was still with the penguin, this time with a smile on his face. I asked him about the penguin and if he had taken it to the Zoo.
He said, "Yes I did that yesterday, today we are going to the theater." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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My Evil Brother Was A Saint…
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There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.
A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint."
The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.
The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he was a saint." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
Be My Valentine
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| An attorney ran over to the office of his client. “I can’t believe it!” said the angered attorney. “You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our case? That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we’re certain to lose this case!” “Relax,” said the client, “I sent it in the prosecutor’s name.” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says, "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place."
A bit bewildered, the guy answers, "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here."
The owner quietly replies, "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Midget HQ is in the sMall of America. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
The Perfect Man
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel and never mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man loves children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
And a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his love to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain.
He will never make you cry
or batter you in any way
To hell with this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 3.8/10 (12 votes cast) |
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Taking the Final Exam #humor #joke |
Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."
He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Three Hillbillies |
Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze
1st Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. "
2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?"
1st Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"
2nd Hillbilly says: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!"
1st Hillbilly says: "Why is that so stupid?"
2nd Hillbilly says: "'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"
3rd Hillbilly says: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer
wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer
some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar."
1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: "Well, what's so dumb about that?"
3rd Hillbilly says: "She ain't got no pecker.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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