|
Jokes of the day
|
|
Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
|
|
Bookmark jokes of the day:
|
Use this button to add jokes of the day to favourites, del, digg, myspace. Make jokes just click away wherever you are.
|
|
Missed jokes of the day yesterday?
|
|
Visit Jokes of the day archive
- all the Jokes of the day you have missed. All jokes since Jokes of the day site is running.
|
|
Note:
|
|
All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
|
|
Jokes of the day for Monday, Jan the 11th 2010
|
NOTE:
Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
on some browsers (internet explorer and opera). It is fixed now, so please feel free to
check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
|
|
Drunk Fail, Blue Tape Win |
|
Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
|
Replacing Vanna |
| Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White? A: They cant find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
|
A+ story |
| A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The short story had to contain the following three things;
(1) Religion
(2) Sexuality
(3) Mystery.
There was only one A+ paper in the entire class.
Below is the A+ short story:
Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it.
Submitted by axelwang
Edited by Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| A CUSTOMER walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: "£500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye bread. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five £100 notes down on it and says: "You got me that time mate, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
|
Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
|
Only 25 cents! |
One night a man was walking homewards when a thief jumped on him all of a sudden. Man and the thief were caught in a terrific tussle. They rolled about on the ground, and the man put up a tremendous fight, until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through the mans pockets and searched him all over. There was only a 25-cents coin he could lay his hands on.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked the man why he had bothered to fight so hard just for a 25-cents.
"Was that all you wanted?" said the man, "I thought you were after the five-hundred dollars I've got in my shoe!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
One day Little Johnny yelled out in public, "George Bush is the biggest asshole in the entire history of mankind!"
The police overheard it and put Little Johnny in jail for 10 years.
When Little Johnny came out, he asked, "Why did you put me in jail so long?!"
The police answered, "I put you in one month for insulting the president. The 9 years and 11 months was for saying confidential information." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
|
Do Cats Go to Heaven?
|
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Q: What's the difference between the 1960's and the 2000's?
A: In the 2000's, a guy goes into a chemist shop and shouts, "Give me a box of condoms!" ... and then whispers to the shop assistant, "Oh, and slip in a packet of cigarettes, too. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender looks at him suspiciously, but decides to serve them anyway. "What’ll be, boys?"
The first vampire says "Blood. Give me blood."
The second vampire says "I too wish for blood!"
The third vampire says "Give me plasma."
The Bartender smiles and says "Got it. Two bloods, and a blood-light."
|
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
|
Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| Do rowdy sea creatures have barnacle fistfights? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
|
Testament Defective |
Not sure if it's true.....
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun. |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
|
Ant And A Grasshopper |
THE ORIGINAL VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN CANADIAN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAGB (The national association of green bugs) shows up on The National and charges the ant with green bias, and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on the Nature of Things with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings "It's not easy being green.
"Jean Chretien makes a special guest appearance on the CBC Evening News to tell a concerned public that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan/Thatcher summers. Sheila Copps exclaims in an interview with Peter Mansbridge that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the Liberals draft the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. John Turner gets his law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal hearing officers that Chretien appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3 PM.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Jean Chretien standing before a wildly applauding group of liberals announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in Canada.
|
Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
|
Five Rules For Men |
Five Rules For Men To Follow To a Happy Life:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,* *
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you* *
laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust* *
and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed* *
and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women* *
do not know each other.*
|
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
|
Blonde Car Accident #joke #humor |
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
|
Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
|
|
|
Travel photos
|
|
Travel Photos Of Places - collection of photos from all around the world - frend of the jokes of the day
|
|
Webmaster resurces
|
|
On jokes of the day webmaster resurces page please find details
related to link exchange or other forms of cooperation with Jokes of the day
|
|
Jokes resources
|
|
Resources - web sites jokes are coming from, other joke related sites. Jokes of the day partners.
|
|
|
