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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Jan the 12th 2010
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NOTE:
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Whoops, you dropped one there. |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Picture is unrelated - WTF Pictures and WTF videos
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Feminists Change a Light Bulb |
| How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? 20: one to change the bulb, the rest to make a documentary all about it. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Animal Super Bowl |
| During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Charged For Speeding |
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school!
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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The accountant |
An accountant got out of bed and complained that he had not slept a wink.
"Why didn't you count sheep?" his wife asked
"I did, that is what got me into trouble" the accountant replied "I made a mistake during the first hour, and it took me until this morning to correct it." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling ’green side up’?"
"I’m sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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A Jewish Dilemma
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Q: Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?
A: Free ham. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Mirror |
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror... She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide.
There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.
We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold on, let me check what it is ... Oh here it is; the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| An idiot called the airport for flight information. "How long is your flight from Los Angeles to Denver?” he asked. "Just a minute," the pleasant agent replied. "Thank You" he said and hung up. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| I began owning up to my flatulence, after eating a frank-farter. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Can’t Get it Down |
A guy had been suffering with a priapism for several days. No amount of sex would make him lose his erection. He went to the pharmacy and asked the lady behind the counter if he might get a word with the pharmacist.
She was a little pissed off at his assumption. "Sir, I am the pharmacist."
"No," he explained, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
"Sir," she repeated, "I am the pharmacist, my sister is also a pharmacist, we own this store. I would consider it a personal & professional compliment if you would ask me any question that you might ask of a male pharmacist.
Our hero was long on pecker, but short of words with embarrassment. He whipped out a 14 inch purple helmeted soldier of passion. "O.K. Lady, what can you give me for this....."
Now it was her turn to be embarrassed, "Um,Um, excuse me Sir. I must consult with my sister." She disappeared into the back.
She came back a minute later still red-faced. "We can give you \$600 for a great weekend and half interest in the store." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A guy walks into a bar...........
He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.
he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.
after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 3.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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I Have Great News For You! #joke #humor |
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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