Jokes of the day for Friday, 07 May 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 07 May 2010
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (69)

Tuscany is a s...

Tuscany is a slum! Everyone lives in chianti-towns. And I don't mean to grape, but  in some French regions, all the houses are bordeauxed up. What a bunch of vine-os - the lowest of the Merlot!
#joke
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

An orthopedic surgeon was movi...

An orthopedic surgeon was moving to a new office, with the help of his staff. One of the nurses sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, a bony arm across the back of the seat.
On the drive across town, she stopped at a traffic light, and the stares of the people in the neighboring car compelled her to roll down her window and yell, I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.” The other driver leaned out of is window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Friday, 07 May 2010

Funny video of the day Friday, 07 May 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Italian Wedding Night

Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

He'd sliced his drive and...

He'd sliced his drive and watched resignedly as the ball plummeted into the woods. He followed after and found his ball - surrounded by thick undergrowth and wedged firmly between two tree roots. He contemplated the situation for a few profoundly silent minutes then turned to his caddie and asked: "You know what shot I'm going to take here."

"Yes, sir," replied the boy as he took a hip flask of malt from the bag.
#joke
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Happy Cinco De Mayo

Happy Cinco De Mayo | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

The twins....

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen,on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read the all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

#joke
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Arkansas Crazy Law


  • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
  • A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
  • Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
  • The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"
  • A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.

    Fayetteville


  • Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
  • It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
  • It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
  • No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
  • Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 6.20/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

    Calculate the number 933

    NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 933 using numbers [4, 2, 7, 5, 90, 491] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    Yo mama is so flat

    Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!

    Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!

    Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!

    #joke #short #yomama
    • Currently 6.20/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (10)

    Laura House: Strict Mom

    My moms a teacher, so she was real strict with me and my brother. She was like, Look, dont drink and dont do drugs and dont sleep around. And then, one day it was like she changed her mind about everything. She said, Youre going to college.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 6.14/10

    Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

    How do you tell a kebab to be ...

    How do you tell a kebab to be quiet?
    Shh, kebab
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
    • Currently 5.50/10

    Rating: 5.5/10 (50)

    CAT DIARY, 7 entries

    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
    ---------
    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
    ---------
    DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
    ---------
    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
    ---------
    DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only
    ---------
    DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
    ---------
    DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
    But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
    #joke #beer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 November 2009
    • Currently 6.56/10

    Rating: 6.6/10 (61)

    Hot Horseradish

    A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 July 2009
    • Currently 3.66/10

    Rating: 3.7/10 (35)

    Did you hear about the new Chi...

    Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
    "101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 June 2009
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (12)

    Great hooters

    Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.

    Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"

    Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."

    Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

    Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

    Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

    Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

    Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man."

    Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."

    #joke #blonde
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
    • Currently 5.30/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

    An Englishman, an Irishman and...

    An Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian walk into a bar.
    The barman says, "Is this some kind of bloody joke?"
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
    • Currently 6.57/10

    Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

    Actual newspaper headlines....

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

    Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

    Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

    Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

    Farmer Bill Dies in House

    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

    Stud Tires Out

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

    Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

    Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

    Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

    Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

    Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

    Stolen Painting Found by Tree

    Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

    Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

    Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

    Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

    Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

    War Dims Hope for Peace

    If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
    • Currently 2.83/10

    Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

    A big time Wall Street Broker ...

    A big time Wall Street Broker moves to the country to become a chicken farmer. He purchases a small farm, and orders 1500 chicks from the local feed store. About three weeks later, he orders 2000 more chicks from the feed store. After another three weeks, he orders 2500 more chicks.

    The feed store owner says to the broker, your chicken farm must really be growing.

    The broker replies that its not growing too well, I am either planting them too deep or too far apart.
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
    • Currently 4.40/10

    Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

    My Wife Is Beating Me


    David: My wife beats me, doctor.
    Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
    David: Every time we play Scrabble!

    #joke #short #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
    • Currently 3.50/10

    Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

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