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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, May the 7th 2010
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Happy Cinco De Mayo |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Laura House: Strict Mom |
| My moms a teacher, so she was real strict with me and my brother. She was like, Look, dont drink and dont do drugs and dont sleep around. And then, one day it was like she changed her mind about everything. She said, Youre going to college. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Yo mama is so flat |
| Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper! |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 6.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Arkansas Crazy Law |
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"
A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.
Fayetteville
Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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The twins.... |
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen,on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read the all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
He'd sliced his drive and watched resignedly as the ball plummeted into the woods. He followed after and found his ball - surrounded by thick undergrowth and wedged firmly between two tree roots. He contemplated the situation for a few profoundly silent minutes then turned to his caddie and asked: "You know what shot I'm going to take here."
"Yes, sir," replied the boy as he took a hip flask of malt from the bag. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Hot Horseradish
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A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.8/10 (8 votes cast) |
An orthopedic surgeon was moving to a new office, with the help of his staff. One of the nurses sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, a bony arm across the back of the seat.
On the drive across town, she stopped at a traffic light, and the stares of the people in the neighboring car compelled her to roll down her window and yell, I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.” The other driver leaned out of is window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
Tuscany is a slum! Everyone lives in chianti-towns. And I don’t mean to grape, but in some French regions, all the houses are bordeauxed up. What a bunch of vine-os - the lowest of the Merlot!
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Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 2.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
CAT DIARY, 7 entries
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
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DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
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DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
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DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
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DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only
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DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
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DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.5/10 (30 votes cast) |
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