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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, May the 9th 2010
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Steve McGrew: Native American Mom, Irish Dad |
| My moms American Indian; my dads from Ireland. Theres a drinking problem waiting to happen. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Good in bed |
| There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements.
She wanted a man who would treat her nicely, wouldn't run away from her, and would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Internet Can Get Worse |
Top ten ways the Internet could get worse
10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.
9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet lawyers Canter & Siegel.
8. Home shopping "network".
7. Netrek corporate sponsorships. Out: Orion, Pollux, Klingus. In: Planet Bud, Toyota Prime, Intelworld.
6. Sun internet servers replaced with pentiums.
5. Dan Quayle appointed head of "bandwidth expansion tiger team".
4. Free netcom account with purchase of big mac.
3. Gameboy web browsers.
2. Tipper Gore cancelbot unleashed onto the net.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THE INTERNET CAN GET WORSE:
1. Two words: "Microsoft Network"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Dead? |
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the damn wall!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
This woman is about to board a bus, but when she steps up, she realizes that her skirt is too tight, and she can't lift her leg to board. So, she reaches around behind her and lowers her zipper a bit and tries again.
Skirt's still too tight, so she reaches behind her and lowers her zipper some more, and tries again. She still can't get on, so she reaches back and lowers the zipper a bit more. She tries to step up, and feels two hands on her butt push her up onto the bus. She spins around and says, "Sir, I don't know you well enough for you to do that!"
He says, "Lady, I sure don't know you well enough for you to lower my zipper three times." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.3/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Three Jewish Mothers Compare Sons
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Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench talking about how much their sons love them.
Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is; he loves his mother."
Minnie says,"You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie. What a doll."
Shirley says "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat...
Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"
Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"
Says She: "Well, the air bag works..." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.7/10 (9 votes cast) |
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: Because the chicken retired and moved to Florida!
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the
boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping
that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the
amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one
wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie
clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea
turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the
genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the
two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at
Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment,
he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.7/10 (24 votes cast) |
| Whenever I’m feeling depressed, I go watch German acrobats. That turns my frau upside down. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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