Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 29 August 2012
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (80)

The Gift

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (33)

Really funny jokes-No stock

There were two grocery stores in the same lane in Delhi-India. One was owned by Abdul and the other one belonged to Kumar.
Abdul had a sign outside his shop, "Peaches @ Rupees 150 a kilo". A lady, went in and asked for them.
"I am so sorry - they are out of stock right now, come back tomorrow and I'll have them ready for you", said Abdul.
So she ventured into Kumar's grocery store across the street. But his peaches were available for Rupees 200 a kilo! At least he has them in stock, she thought to herself.
"Your prices are very steep" she said. "Abdul sells them at Rupees 150 a kilo".
"You are right, says Kumar, "and when I run out of stock, mine will also be priced Rupees 150 a kilo!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Garbage Can World Cup Staged In Germany

Garbage Can World Cup Staged In Germany - Put your trash into speed - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Q: What did the green grape sa...

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Chuck Norris can make onions c...

Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 2.45/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (11)

Funny Photo of the day - I hate my job

I hate my job - and haircut too | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Q: What did the green grape sa...

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

A Dollar for Sunday School

A little boy came home eating a big candy bar. Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had already spent all his allowance money. Surprised, she asked him where he got it.
"I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said."But that dollar was for Sunday School," his mother replied.
Smiling, the boy said, "I know, Mom, but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (12)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 12, 13, 15, 16, 21, 24, 50, 51, 59, 78) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Emily Heller: Using Feminism

I have found some ways to use feminism to my own advantage -- mostly to remain lazy and disgusting.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (26)

Name The States

Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it a practice to visit the classes from time to time. One day he walked into Miss Sandy Smith's 4th grade class, where the children were studying American History. Mr. Jones asked the class how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names. Miss Sandy Smith came up with four more.

Not impressed, Mr Jones told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

From the back of the room Little Johnny yelled, "Yeah, but in those days there were only 13!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

A Penny For Your Thoughts

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?

Change.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

Flustered

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, “Should I stop the car first?”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 November 2009
  • Currently 6.16/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (70)

Put it back

What do you do in case of fallout?

Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 August 2011
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (32)

Kathleen Madigan: Figure Skating

I always wanted to be a figure skater as a kid, too, that was like my fantasy dream. But whenever I watch it, I think I would have totally done it alone. I dont know how these people have enough control over the tempers to be working with a partner. Because if I worked with some guy for 15 years, and we got to the Olympics, and out of nowhere he just fell -- oh, Id skate around just to chop off his fingers. I would, and I would not feel bad about that -- ever. Now when youre nubbing your cereal spoon in the morning, you can look at that box and remember why were not on it.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 August 2010
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (21)

A blonde, a brunette and a red...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 August 2011
  • Currently 3.53/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (15)

John Mulaney: Blacking Out

I had a problem because I was blacking out all the time. And I went and I talked to my doctor, and he said, Its not that you drink too much, its just that after a couple of major blackouts, you blackout easier and easier after that. So, I would just have a couple of drinks, and my brain would be like, OK, I see where this is headed. Were just going to power down now and get restarted sometime tomorrow morning.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 August 2011
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (14)

Nice sheepy...

A Montanan is driving down the road and suddenly sees this Californian hitch hiking. He pulls over offers him a lift and down the road they go. After a few miles they come across this sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The Montanan immediately pulls over and jumps out to check out the situation. After a minute he yanks out his dick and begins ramming the sheep from behind.

After awhile of doing this he calls out to the Californian who is still in the car, "Hey, you wanna give it a shot?"

The Californian shrugs his shoulders and says, "sure." He gets out of the car approaches the sheep and then sticks his head in the fence.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 August 2010
  • Currently 5.31/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (13)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.