Jokes of the day for Thursday, 20 September 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 20 September 2012
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (64)

Bike

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives to be civilized and kind to each other when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Really funny jokes-True Believers

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - funniest goal ever

funniest goal ever - Panionios - OFI 2-1 17/9/12 funny own goal - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

No talking...

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

The Three Women

There were these three women. One blonde, one red, and one brunet. They were all about to be shot. One by one. When the brunet came up, the man asked "Do you have any last words before you die?"

The brunet said "No."

Then the man said, "Ok. Ready, aime..."

then before the man could finish the bunet yelled, "Earthquake!!" Then everyone ran and so escaped. Then when the red head came up, the man said, "Do you have any last words before you die?"

The red head said, "No."

Then the man said, "Ok. Ready, aime..."

then before the man could finish the red head yelled, "Tornando!!" Then everyone ran and the red head escaped. Then when the blonde came up, the man said, "Do you have any last words before you die?"

The blonde said, "No."

Then the man said, "Ok. Ready, aime..."

then before the man could finish the blonde yelled, "FIRE!!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.10/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Perfect Beer can holder

Perfect Beer can holder - With great balance | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Flustered

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, “Should I stop the car first?”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

Kyle Kinane: Always a Miracle

Im in my 30s; everybodys having kids or miracles. Oh, its a miracle. Its always a miracle. Im like, You had sex, right? Yeah? Then no, thats exactly whats supposed to happen from that. I spend all my time preventing miracles; that is whats happening. I call it a miracle when the girl doesnt get pregnant. Thats when I start getting spiritual.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 June 2012
  • Currently 4.49/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (43)

Guess the Band Name

Which musician band has an album with a cover as in the picture?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are...

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 September 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

We noticed that all the waiter...

We noticed that all the waiters in this New York restaurant carried two spoons in their vest pocket. Naturally, we were curious. We asked a waiter why.
'Sir, as a result of an efficiency study by the management, it was determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item was a spoon. Therefore, all the waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced.' As he was explaining that we noticed a string hanging out of the fly of his pants. So, we asked about that.
'Sir, that's another efficiency study result. When we have to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands.' We replied, 'I understand how you can get yourself out and aim, but how do you get yourself back in.' 'Well,' replied the waiter, 'I don't know about the other guys, but I use the two spoons!'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 November 2009
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (69)

Entrance Exam

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"
The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."
"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.
Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.
Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.
The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2009
  • Currently 3.77/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (26)

Anthony Jeselnik: Gift for Who?

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me. And I said, If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 September 2010
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (37)

Little Emily was complaining t...

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 September 2010
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (28)

Jeff Dunham: Sissy-ness of the Law

Walter: I aint afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching? What do they do when they arrest somebody? Alright, get in the basket.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
  • Currently 5.48/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (27)

Dark

Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.

One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.

One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."

The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Yisman

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 September 2009
  • Currently 4.12/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (25)

Yo Mama so old...

Yo Mama so old her social security # is 1.

#joke #short #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (22)

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