Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 December 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 December 2013
  • Currently 9.66/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (151)

Be prepared for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes and quotes on: Christmas jokes collectionThe Best Christmas jokes

Ugliest baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (14)

Funny jokes-Lies of a Graduate student

Top 10 Lies Told By A Graduate Student

1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

2. My job prospects look really good.

3. The department is giving me so much support.

4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.

5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

6. Your latest article was so inspiring.

7. I would never date an undergraduate.

8. My work has a lot of practical importance.

9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/article.

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Jimmy Kimmel’s Clip of the Year 2013

Jimmy Kimmel’s Clip of the Year 2013 - Some of the funniest clips of the year + the winner - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (12)

“Did you hear about t...

“Did you hear about the lost sausage? It was the missing link.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (25)

Q: Why do ducks have webbed fe...

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

Funny Photo of the day - Chupa Chups x Leather Holder

Chupa Chups x Leather Holder - So Chupa Chups is always ready | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (12)

I believe...

A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.

As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

rude jerk

this guy walked into a lounge, and this was one of those type of guys that's bold and rude and will say about anything to a woman, you know the type, and he noticed this attractive lady siting by her self. the guy walks over and sits down beside her and says, you know baby, i would kinda like to get in your pants. unshaken by his rude comment, the lady calmly looks around at the guy and says, I already have one asshole in my pants, why would I need another one?

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Migrating Birds

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: It's too far to walk.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (10)

A Moral Question

One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 December 2010
  • Currently 4.48/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (27)

Cat Jokes 09


Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?

A: A catacomb!


Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?

A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!


Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?

A: Shredded tweet!


Q: Why do tomcats fight?

A: Because they like raising a stink!


Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?

A: They are both ginger nuts!


Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?

A: A catameringue!


Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?

A: A caterpillar!


Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?

A: A Peking Tom!





#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 July 2008
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

A man walked into a bar, s...

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2009
  • Currently 5.59/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (63)

Bad weather

This old man went to a whorehouse and said to the manager that he wanted something different.

So the manager sent him up to room "69".

He got in there and this woman named Hurricane Sally stripped him down and began working wonders.

Suddenly she pissed on his stomach, he asked, "What the hell was that?"

She replied, "That is the cooling rain falling all over you."

She got at it again and farted in his face.

He said, "What the hell was that?"

She then again replied, "That is the warm ocean winds blowing."

Suddenly the man got up and started to get dressed.

Hurricane Sally said, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Hell, a man can't fuck with this kind of weather!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 December 2011
  • Currently 4.18/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (40)

Siblings

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 December 2011
  • Currently 6.37/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (35)

Flat tyre

This couple out on a date get a flat while driving along on a snowy night. He goes out to change the tire, but doesn't have any gloves so before long he comes back in, job half-done, with blue hands.

"Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," says she. So he does, and goes back out to the flat tire. It's so cold, he has to come back in one more time to warm up his hands, again at her invitation, between her legs.

He finally finishes the job and comes back into the car triumphant and puts the key into the ignition.

She looks at him and says, "Aren't your ears cold?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2009
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (16)

With Good Claus

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 December 2012
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (14)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.