Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 19 February 2014
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (110)

Proctologists and Bartenders

Q: What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?

A: The proctologist only handles one a**hole at a time.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

“Even though the chef...

“Even though the chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways. She had a temper that boiled easily, was half-baked and extremely kneady.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 2 February 2014

Best Fails of the Week 2 February 2014 - Many funny fails from second week of February 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (11)

Dog Track

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.

At the Dogs (23)


"Your dog called last night."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (24)

Smart thinking

Did you know that in the olden days the Swedes who used to drive on the left, later realized that this caused too many accidents with tourists used to the right, hence they decided to switch to driving on the right side, but because they were smart and thinking people, they decided to affect the switch gradually.

So they came to the conclusion that on the first of the next month all commercial vehicles like cabs and buses would start driving on the right and if all went well, all private vehicles like cars and two wheelers would switch to right the next day.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Tire throne

Tire throne - For Game of Thrones - new Season | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

Insurance...

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.

Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth."

There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, "If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Outer Space exists because it ...

Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 September 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (39)

What is something that you can...

What is something that you can take from and then it will get bigger?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Who Would Steal?


The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"
The other partner replied, "What are you worried about? We're both here."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 May 2011
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (29)

Better Than Pork

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it?"The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you're suposed to be celibate, but...?"
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 October 2010
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Knock, Knock at the Convent

Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 February 2010
  • Currently 5.85/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (39)

A Greek and Italian were sitti...

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire".

...and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,

"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 February 2011
  • Currently 6.79/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (28)

The Hole

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker.

The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem.

"Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2012
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (27)

Jim Gaffigan: Gym Teacher Aspirations

You think when gym teachers are younger, theyre thinking, You know I want to teach, but I dont want to read?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2012
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (22)

You might be a redneck if 76

You might be a reneck if...

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side.. .it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home. You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag. More than half the droids you own don't function. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q. You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

Sandpeople back down from your mama.

You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 February 2011
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (11)

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