Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 14 May 2014
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (92)

I got pulled over by a police ...

I got pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. He comes over and says to me, "My dog says you have weed in the car." I responded, "Well I don't know about that, but I want whatever got you talking to the dog!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

As the plane was flying low ov...

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"


"Just snow," replied the stewardess.


"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Aha! Jokes - Clean Jokes and Funny Pictures! Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (31)

Funny video of the day - Yo-Yo Prodigy Kid

Yo-Yo Prodigy Kid - This is 6-year-old Kazuya Murata, aka Yo-Yo Baby, showing off his amazing skills at the 2013 Asia Pacific Yo-Yo Championships - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

“The lumberjack loved...

“The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Bumper Stickers 02


I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Comfy at the airport

Comfy at the airport - If you have never been stuck at the airport at the middle of the night, you will not be able to appreciate this | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (7)

Life After Death

A couple made a deal that which ever died first, they would

come back and inform the other of the after life. Her biggest

fear was there was no heaven. After a long life the husband

was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.

Mary... Mary....

Is that you Fred?

Yes, I have come back like we agreed.

What is it like?

Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast,

I have sex, I bath in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have

lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon, supper, then sex

till late at night, sleep then start all over again.

Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven.

"Hell no, I'm a rabbit in Texas."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Shih-Tzu + Poodle

Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle?

A: A Shih-Tzpoo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Calculate the number 539

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 539 using numbers [2, 4, 5, 5, 90, 357] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Old Uncle Alec

Uncle Alec was taking his evening walk when he chanced upon a lady of the night, who was leaning against a lamp post.
The lady called out to Uncle Alec, "Hey old man, why don't you give it a try?"
Uncle Alec replied, "No, young lady, I don't think I can."
The woman persisted, "Oh come on, let's give it a try!"
Uncle Alec agreed and went with her into a seedy hotel room. He surprised her with the rigour with which he performed.
The woman said, "I can't believe you said you don't think you can! You performed like a young boy!"
Uncle Alec replied, "Oh that!! That's not a problem at all, what I can't do is pay!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Things that make you go hmmmmmm...

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How can there be self-help 'groups'?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 November 2013
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

More beer

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighed and got him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..."

The man sighed and said: "It's started."

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 September 2012
  • Currently 6.32/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (91)

Every time Chuck Norris smiles...

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 July 2011
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (31)

Chinese Jews

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.
He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 September 2010
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (28)

Jeff Dunham: Coffee as a Sex-Enhancer?

Walter: My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life. Jeff Dunham: Oh, and is it? Walter: No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 May 2010
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (36)

God Takes a Vacation

"Hmmm," St. Peter reflected. "Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 May 2010
  • Currently 6.46/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (35)

Jeff Dunham: How Women Age

Jeff Dunham: Walter, your wife is a lovely woman.
Walter: Shes getting old.
Jeff Dunham: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine wine.
Walter: Shes aging like milk.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 May 2010
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (33)

How Fast Was I Going?


"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."
"You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 May 2011
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (27)

Chuck Norris knows where Carme...

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 May 2011
  • Currently 3.65/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (17)

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