Jokes of the day for Thursday, 04 June 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 04 June 2015
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (115)

Problem With Gas

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.
The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

A boss tells his new employee...

A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"
"In 3 months."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Just an Octopus, Carrying His Stuff

Just an Octopus, Carrying His Stuff - When diver Julian Finn saw this octopus walking along the sea floor carrying two halves of a coconut shell, he couldn’t stop laughing. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“Clement Moore was ty

“Clement Moore was tying his tie before going to Christmas Eve service. He said, 'Twas the knot before Christmas.'”

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Signs You're the Reincarnation of Someone Famous...

-During a thunderstorm, you build a giant boat and start stealing your neighbor's pets.
-When the boss criticizes your work, you hack off your right ear and mail it to him.
-Not only do you consider Yoko an artistic genius, you think she's beautiful and has a lovely singing voice.
-While working under the sink, you get this insatiable urge to paint a church ceiling.
-Out of luck winos are bringing you jugs of water.
-You're found writing down rules of the office on giant stone tablets.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Dropping ice cream is paintfull

Dropping ice cream is paintfull - Life can be tough sometimes | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Play your age...

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number.

“Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested.

The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.

The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over.

“Did she win?” he asked.

“No” replied the attendant.

“She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

 Must Be Out Of Shape


The Top Signs You're Out of Shape

  1. You've ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.
  2. People at work only refer to you by saying "Hey fatso!"
  3. You've thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.
  4. Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.
  5. Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.
  6. You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin' To The Oldies.
  7. You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.
  8. Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.
  9. The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the jeans rack and whispers "Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby"


#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Beer Test

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned."

Submitted by Calamjo

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Q: What do you call a lawyer w

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

There’s a light inside of everyone

There’s a light inside of everyone. No matter what, someone is always going to come around and try to dim that light or shut it off. Whatever you do, you hold on to that light and you fight. You fight to not let that person tear you down, you fight for the right to define yourself, to not let anyone else tell you who you are. You gotta keep your head up, because people will always hang around waiting for you to fall, for the light to shut off. Don’t ever let someone fade the light that makes you beautiful. Because in the end, you’re the one who controls how brightly you shine.

#joke
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A 2006 study found that the av...

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
Not Bad.
#joke #short #beer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Natural Blonde

Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

A: Artifical intelligence.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

A guest in a posh hotel comes ...

A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” that’s a complicated order sir, said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.” The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 October 2010
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (10)

The Shopping Criminal

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened."

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 June 2011
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (36)

Dan St. Germain: Too Lazy to Kill

I could never be a serial killer because Im way too lazy to follow a pattern. I used to murder women that look like Grandmother but now -- mostly delivery men.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 June 2011
  • Currently 3.52/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (29)

Sheng Wang: Man With a Comb Over

If you can show me a man with a comb over, I can show you a man who thinks that by crushing a bag of chips, you make more chips.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 June 2012
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (28)

The sun sets from fear of Chuc...

The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 June 2011
  • Currently 3.16/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (25)

Trivial Pursuit

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?

She thought for some time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 June 2012
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (24)

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