Jokes of the day for Monday, 15 August 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 15 August 2016
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1386)

Top brass from the Army, Navy

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They decided to settle the dispute using an enlisted man from each branch.
The Army General called a private over and ordered him to climb to the top of the base flagpole while singing "The Caissons Go Rolling Along," then let go with both hands, and salute. The private quickly complied.
Next, the Admiral ordered a sailor to climb the pole, polish the brass knob at the top, sing "Anchors Aweigh," salute smartly and jump off. The sailor did as he was told and landed on the concrete below.
Finally, the marine was told to do exactly as the army and navy men had done, but in full battle gear, pack filled with bricks, loaded weapon carried high. He took one look at the Marine General and said, "You're out of your mind, sir!"
The marine commander turned to the others. "Now THAT'S guts!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

“You're good with mo

“You're good with money? You must come from good stock.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A distraught senior citizen ...

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

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Trying to win a Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Using old crt TVs

Using old crt TVs - Height is adjustable - just put as much TVs as you need | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

 Knock Knock Collection 168


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Spock!
Spock who?
Spock louder!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stacey!
Stacey who?
Stacey'ted until the bus stops!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stalin!
Stalin who?
Stalin for time!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan back or I'll shoot!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stanton!
Stanton who?
Stanton here answering questions is no fun!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 February 2016
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Animated GIF - Never turn your back on a dolphin!

Never turn your back on a dolphin! - Never turn your back on a dolphin! - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

an explorer in the deepest Ama...

an explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm fucked."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No you are NOT fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living shit out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God's voice booms out again: "Okay . . . NOW you're fucked."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 August 2008
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (38)

A robber came into my store ...

A robber came into my store and stole $100 from the register without my knowledge. A few minutes later, the same guy came back with the $100 he stole and purchased $70 worth of items and I gave him $30 in change. How much money did I lose?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Pete Holmes: The Museum

I dont care about the museum, I only care that people think Im the kind of guy who goes to museums.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 August 2011
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (26)

puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...
"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 August 2010
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (20)

Chck Norris listens to "Requie...

Chck Norris listens to "Requiem for a Tower" when he eats waffles.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 August 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (19)

A woman rushes into the foyer ...

A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell.

‘Yes,’ says the receptionist irritably.

‘Excuse me,’ says the woman, ‘but I’m in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?’

The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down.’Not bad,’ he smiles, ‘not bad at all.’
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 August 2010
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (17)

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