Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 15 May 2019
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 15 May 2019|
“I've been having is
“I've been having issues with the roof leaking into the storage space below it. It's being very problem attic!”
Prior to taking retirement andPrior to taking retirement and selling off his land, a farmer needed to get rid of all the animals he owned, so he decided to call on every house in his village. At houses where the man was the boss, he gave a horse; at houses where the woman was the boss, he gave a chicken.
Approaching one cottage, he saw a couple gardening and called out, "Who's the boss around here?"
"I am," said the man.
The farmer said, "I have a black horse and a brown horse. Which one would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."
"No, no, get the brown one," said his wife.
The farmer said, "Here's your chicken."
Bumper Stickers 21
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
Twenty-Five Dollar Haircut
A balding man went into a barber’s shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut.
“Twenty-five dollars,” said the barber.
“Twenty-five dollars, that’s crazy!” exclaimed the man. “I’ve hardly got any hair. How can it be that expensive?”
The barber explained, “It’s $5 for the actual cut and $20 for the search fee.”
A group of friends who went deA group of friends who went deer hunting separated intopairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering undera hugh buck.
"Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.
"He fainted a couple miles up the trail,"
Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carriedthe deer back?"
"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figuredno one is going to steal Harry."
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."
Calculate the number 6205
History of Math in AmericaLast week I purchased a drink at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my 2 one dollar bills. I then pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In The 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In The 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In The 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In The 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)
6. Teaching Math In The 2000s
Same question as number 5 but if you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for you.
7. Teaching Math In 2011
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
Brian Regan: EinsteinThey always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, its an insult? You dont know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein. I dont think were honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.
RecyclablesA Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.
Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send 'em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send 'em to France to get turned into picket fences. Hey, what do you do with your used crazy glue?
French man: We send it to Canada to get turned into bubble gum!