Jokes of the day for Saturday, 18 May 2019
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 18 May 2019|
Boy walks in on his dad masturBoy walks in on his dad masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
His dad replies, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon enough!"
"Really? Why's that, Daddy?"
"Well, my arm is getting tired..."
The Comforting Mother
Daughter: " I don't like the boy you found for me... his teeth are not in order and he looks ugly when he smiles."
Mother: "Don't worry about that. He will not be smiling after he marries you."
People who live in glass housePeople who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.
Never read the fine print.There ain't no way you're going to like it.
If you let a smile be your umbrella,then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.
The only two things we do with greater frequencyin middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybodyhas the same size bucket.
To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.
Do you realize that in about 40 years,we'll have thousands of old ladiesrunning around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortableto cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Living in a n*dist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,you are probably dead.
Top Ten Error Messages
The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought
- "That URL was not found because frankly, I didn' try hard enough."
- "If you continue to type that way, you'll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."
- "The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed."
- "Normally, I would complain but I'll let that rough disk insertion slide this time."
- "Don't worry, I'll clean up that beer stain."
- "Its not a virus...its a STD(System Transmitted Disease)."
- "Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click."
- "That General Protection Fault is not yours."
- "You're using MS Word 5.0 and that's a weenie version so why don't I upgrade you for free?"
- "I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video... may I suggest another?"
Google's pizza- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number? Sorry
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizzawith cheeses, sausage, thick crust.
- OK! This is it ...
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?
- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
- How do you know?
- We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name, through the subscribers guide.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine ...
-Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.
- I bought more from another drugstore.
- It's not showing on your credit card statement
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.
-WHAT THE HELL?
- I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.
- Enough! I'm sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me
- I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago
Find number abc
Owen Benjamin: Public Restrooms for GuysIts not an enjoyable place. We get a urinal; we dont get real estate. Its a little, creepy urinal, right? Ladies, you know what it feels like in the elevator when youre in complete silence with a bunch of strangers? Now put your penis in your hand.
What's white and if it fell ou...What's white and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
What Is This?
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says:
- What is this, a joke?