Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 May 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 27 May 2019
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1592)

“We can all praise To

“We can all praise Tom Hiddleston for his Loki performance.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 1.50/10

Rating: 1.5/10 (8)

 Gathering Chickens


The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Why Should I Whistle?

Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby.
Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me?"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

A boy asks his father to expla

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"
"No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the phone.
His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. "No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says.
His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation."
"Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.
"Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 April 2019
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Doctor...What's the matter with me?

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 June 2016
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Amy Schumer: Worst Part About Drinking

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When Im drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (46)

Calculate the number 866

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 866 using numbers [3, 5, 6, 3, 90, 602] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The phrase "dead ringer" refer...

The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (40)

Tennis lesson

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member".

After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (35)

Hillary goes to heaven

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (35)

Jordan Rubin: German Porno

I got a German porno movie the other day. It has subtitles, which is great cause, otherwise, I would have had no idea what was going on.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (31)

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