Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 June 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 June 2019
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1731)

When I found out my toaster wasn't water proof...

When I found out my toaster wasn't water proof...

I WAS SHOCKED!

Author:Wonderland6914
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

“My barber cut short

“My barber cut short his operational costs by trimming the overheads!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.94/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (16)

Twins Girls

My friend Jay had twin girls recently and he wanted to name them after him...
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Girls with lovely Scottish accent

So I walked into a this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?

One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"

So I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"

That's the last thing I remember.

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (41)

I can't believe I made it any

I can't believe I made it anywhere creatively, though, because I was raised by two loving and supportive parents. Nothing squashes creativity more than unconditional love and support from a functional household. If you have kids, sh*t on their dreams a little bit.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (14)

An amateur photographer was in

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented, "These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said, "That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 October 2016
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

Film was made in 1972.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Dining out...

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, 'Who was that??!!'

'Oh,' replies the husband, 'that was my mistress.'

The wife says, 'That's it; I want a divorce.'

'I understand,' replies her husband, 'but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours.'

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. 'Who's that woman with Jim? ' she asks.

'That's his mistress,' replies her husband.

'Ours is prettier,' says the wife.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 June 2016
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

 Humor About Drunk Irishmen


Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room. The clerk said certainly and told Casey the men's room was the third door down the corridor on the left. Now Casey, trying to appear sober, weaved his way down the hallway remembering some of the directions. When he reached the third door, he turned RIGHT , opened the door and immediately fell into the deep end of a pool. The clerk, realizing Casey's mistake, ran down the hall and burst through the door, prepared to save him, and heard Casey shout, "Don't flush, I'm in here!"
Shamrock
For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide.
Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin.
"Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!"
"Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 November 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Saddam Hussein was not found h...

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 June 2011
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (35)

Bless This Car

A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to carpool.
On the first day, the other two are shocked to see the pastor lay hands on the hood and pray silently.
"What are you doing?" the priest asks.
The pastor looks up. "I'm just dedicating the car to the Lord's service."
"Good idea! Be right back!" the priest exclaims, running into his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car.
The rabbi stares. "What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm consecrating it with holy water," the priest replies.
"Great idea!" the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue's toolshed. He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 June 2009
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (31)

Stopped for speeding

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place . . . The man says, 'What's the problem, Officer?'

Officer: 'You were going at least 75 in a 55-zone.'

Man: 'No Sir, I was going 65.'

Wife: 'Oh, Harry, you were going 80.' (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: 'I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.'

Man: 'Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!'

Wife: 'Oh, Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.' (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: 'I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt.'

Man: 'Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.'

Wife: 'Oh, Harry, you never wear your seatbelt.'

The man turns to his wife and yells, 'SHUT YOUR MOUTH!'

The Officer turns to the woman and asks, 'Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?'

The wife says, 'No, only when he's been drinking!!!'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 June 2009
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (28)

Dan Mintz: Science Project With Dad

When I was eight years old, I had to do a science project, but my dad just did it for me. I didnt contribute at all. I think the teacher kind of figured it out when the project was called, Is My Wife Cheating on Me?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 June 2011
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (23)

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