Jokes of the day for Thursday, 10 October 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 10 October 2019
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Southern Language – Lewis Grizzard

 

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Embarrassed meteorologist

“The young meteorologist was embarrassed that he didn’t get the forecast for the tornado correct so he went into abasement to funnel his emotions.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Grammarical Rules

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?
He was given two consecutive sentences!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Death at Jerusalem

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

 A Sudden Change Of Mind


My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

Wife: "Look here Mike. See how

Wife: "Look here Mike. See how Mary's husband takes her to movies and dinner every week end. Why can't you do that?"
Mike: "Sure dear, anything you say. Just make sure that Mary is free on the next week end."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Find number abc

If acb5a - 2a2c9 = 5a4a9 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Comfortable

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 October 2016
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

Chuck Norris built a time mach...

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 2.52/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (69)

Pepsi Genie

It was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.

"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't spoil them."

"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says, "first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.

Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....a toilet!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (68)

Iliza Shlesinger: Season Change

I was in New York last Christmas, its snowing, theres a guy in a t-shirt. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York, I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. Youre not a penguin. I was like, In fact sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (49)

A widower who never paid any a...

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 October 2010
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (35)

1. Is it good if a vacuum rea

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote controlwhen you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?I dunno, why do we?
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 October 2017
  • Currently 7.48/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (27)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.