Jokes of the day for Friday, 01 May 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 01 May 2020
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Your Brother's Composition

Teacher: Clyde, your composition about “My dog” is exactly like your brothers. Did you copy this?
Clyde: No sir. It’s the same dog.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

"Steven," said the glum-faced

"Steven," said the glum-faced young man, "I'm so sorry! I just heard your Uncle Archie fell from a cliff. Were you very close to him?
"Just close enough to give him a push," answered Steven.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

“I sure felt a lot be

“I sure felt a lot better after buying a parking structure last week.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.62/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (21)

An older, white haired man wal...

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Fridayevening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for hisgirlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring andshowed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something veryspecial."
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and broughtanother ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The younglady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, bycheck. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write itnow and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pickthe ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's nomoney in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Don't mess with Old People.
#joke #friday #monday
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.81/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (27)

At The Public Pool


The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

How would Alien Spider Trump r

How would Alien Spider Trump rule? A: By eggsackutive order.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 27 July 2017
  • Currently 1.40/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (10)

Calculate the number 992

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 992 using numbers [5, 8, 5, 9, 82, 608] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Special childrens rate...

A little child was in church for the first time and watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.

When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster said in a little voice loud enough for everyone to hear:

"Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 May 2017
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

A man walks into a bar and he'...

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "all lawyers are a*******."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "no, Iam
#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 2.73/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (63)

St. George and the Dragon

A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answered the door.
The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”
"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.
He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 6.06/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (52)

Childhood Sweethearts

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.
To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he had carved "I love you, Sally".
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armoured car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars.
The husband says: "We've got to give it back".
She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back in the bag & hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two policemen are going from door-to-door in the neighbourhood looking for the money show up at their home.
One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
She says: "No"..
The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." 

But the policemen sit the man down & begin to question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were walking home from school yesterday ..."
At this, the policeman looks at his partner & says: "We're outta here ..."      

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 May 2017
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (49)

Chelsea Handler: Not Excited About Alcoholism

Theres a good chance I may be an alcoholic. You think guys would be a little more excited about that. All they do is bitch and moan. You drink too much. You sleep too much. Its like, if you were drunk all the time, youd be tired, too.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 4.87/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (38)

A champion jockey is about to ...

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (36)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.