A blind man enters a Ladies BaA blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A blonde and milk bathsA blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left anote for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. Hethought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door toclarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,"I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill mybathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young andbeautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."
The Sheriff in a small town waThe Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboycoming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots,so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking aroundlike this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff . I was in the bar down theroad and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home withher. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull offmy shirt... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off mypants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off myshorts ...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go totown cowboy... '.
"And here I am."
BMW diedA blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
What a winning combination?
The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
A blonde was walking her dogsA blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says, "Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?"
The blonde replies, "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."
The man responds, "Huh, that's interesting. Why did you name them such names?"
The blonde sighs and shakes her head, "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?"
A blonde and her husband are lA blonde and her husband are lying in bedlistening to the next door neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyardbarking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps out of bedand says 'I've had enough of this,'and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bedand her husband says'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard,let's see how THEY like it!'
A trucker came into a truck st...A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
A blonde walks into the police...A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"