Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (1 to 10)

Shrinking Clothes

Pete went into the doctor's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.

So Pete told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last year, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.

The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet. You probably put on a few pounds."

"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it."

"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."

"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Pete.

"That's when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers.".

 A Very Interesting Fact

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

WELL?

It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor's door, followed by a groan.
The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. "WELL?" he shouted.
"No," moaned the man. "Sick."

A blonde has sharp pains in he

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

Unvaccinated baby

As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby.

But let me give it a shot.

Stool sample

I went to see my doctor and he asked for a stool sample.

So i decided to take a basic woodworking course.

The phone rings and the lady o

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

So this older guy goes to the

So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viagra. The guy asks for a large dose of the strongest variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks, "Why, is your d**k in that much pain?"
"No," says the guy, "it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!"

Always Dizzy

"You see, doctor, I’m always dizzy for half an hour after I get up in the morning,” said Carla.
“Well, try getting up half an hour later,” said the doctor.

John's working at the lumber

John's working at the lumber yard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the hospital.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
John says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2012. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
John says, "Well, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."