The psychiatrist was interviewThe psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient.
"You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You do?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
The mother of a 17-year-old giThe mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
A man was in a terrible accideA man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body.His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood,but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small,$6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged himto talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
A woman in her 30's was takinA woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today", as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.
When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The following conversation ensued:
Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, "Don't we look pretty today", while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?
Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something?
Mother: Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?
Daughter: I don't know. We're you embarrassed?
Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don't think he should have commented!
Daughter: I don't have any FDS.
Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment...
Granddaughter: That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!
What heavy seven letter word...
What heavy seven letter word can you take two away from and be left with eight?
A woman went to the doctor'sA woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the firstdoctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Mrs. Jones goes to the doctorMrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.
After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years."
She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion".
"OK," he says, "you're f***ing ugly as well!"
Having A Very Bad Day
You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...
- Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
- You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
- You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
- Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
- Your income tax refund check bounces.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
- You put both contacts into the same eye.
- Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
- Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
- You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
- The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
- You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
- The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
- People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
- When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
- You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
- You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.
- It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
Steve complained to his friendSteve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"
"Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!"
A wife went in to see a therapA wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"