Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (1 to 10)

A young married couple has dif

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."

My check-up

“I asked the doctor how my check-up went. All he said was, 'Get will soon.'”

In Flight Emergency?

On a recent flight from New York to Seattle an elderly lady stands up and shouts, "Is there a doctor here?"

A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her, "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

Doctor told me I was going deaf

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf...

I haven’t heard from him since

Getting senile

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

The results of your bold test

Doctor: “The results of your bold test have come in.”

“You mean blood test?”

“Hm, must be a Type-O.”

Author FinalCaveat user

A baby was born that was so ad

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am."
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying, "I want you to know that that hurts!"

Doctor to a woman: "You look e

Doctor to a woman: "You look exhausted, have you been taking 3 meals a day like I told you?"
Woman replies: "Oh, my... I thought you said 3 males a day."

 Knock Knock Collection 050

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
You just said it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don!
Don who?
Don Patrol!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Donatello!
Donatello who?
Donatello'n me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Giovanni!
Don Giovanni who?
Don Giovanni talk to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Juan!
Don Juan who?
Don Juan to go to school today!

"I think I have a problem, Doc

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very resistant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation.
After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.
"You want to die?" asks the doctor.
"But...how do I pee?"
"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again.
He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"
"What?"
"Can you tell me what the hell is happening??"
The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says,
"Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"