Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (1 to 10)
|Jokes about doctor. These are funny jokes with doctors! These are the jokes listed 1 to 10.|
Grandma was nearly ninety yearGrandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.
"Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news," suggested the eldest son.
The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.
"Now, you don't have to worry about anything," said the doctor. "I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me."
The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools.
"Tell me," said the doctor, "what would you do if you had a large win on the pools – say one million pounds?"
"Why," replied the old lady, "I'd give half of it to you, of course."
The doctor fell down dead with shock.
At the doctor's office.
At the doctor's office.
- What bothers you?
- I have a bad memory.
- Ok. What else?
- I have a very bad memory.
- What else?!
- And... I have a really bad memory.
- Yes, I understand that you have a bad memory! What else??
- And I have hearing problems.
- What else?
- What did you say?
- What else?!
- Say it again?
- What else?!
- Ah-ah! And I have a bad memory.
Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINTUES apart. IF it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job.
...your sweetie says, "Lets go...your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you'rebarefoot.
...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garagedoor nearest your car.
...you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
...going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
...you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don'thave to go along.
...when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
...when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by thepolice.
..."getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
..."getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
... an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
Find number abc
It's the drinking...
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"
The hunched-back man decides vThe hunched-back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.
Doctor: I need for you to get undressed, sir.
(Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)
Hunchback: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.
Doctor: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed.
(Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)
Hunchback: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.
Doctor: Do you want me to examine your back or not?
(Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)
Doctor: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?
Hunchback: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?
Doctor: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?
Trouble SleepingThe woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
A guy goes to the doctor withA guy goes to the doctor with an excrucitaing pain in his dick.
He says to the doctor, "Doc, I've got this terrible pain in my dick, you've gotta take a look."
The doctor tells him to drop his pants, then his undies. The doc grabs his dick and pulls out a magnifying glass and examines the guy's dick.
"That's incredible," he says, "You've got a tiny steering wheel growing out of the end of your prick!"
The patient replies, "Yeah, it's been driving me nuts."
A doctor and his wife were sun...A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a well-endowed, beautiful, young, blonde woman in a tight-fitting bikini strolled passed. The woman looked at the doctor, smiled seductively, and said in a very sexy voice, "Hi there handsome. How are you doing?" before wiggling her backside and walking off.
"Who was that?" demanded the doctor's wife.
"Just a woman I met professionally," replied the doctor.
"Oh yeah?" snarled his wife, "In whose profession? Yours or hers?"