Doctor jokes - jokes about doctors (1 to 10)

A baby was born that was so ad

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am."
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying, "I want you to know that that hurts!"

Doctor to a woman: "You look e

Doctor to a woman: "You look exhausted, have you been taking 3 meals a day like I told you?"
Woman replies: "Oh, my... I thought you said 3 males a day."

 Knock Knock Collection 050

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
You just said it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don!
Don who?
Don Patrol!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Donatello!
Donatello who?
Donatello'n me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Giovanni!
Don Giovanni who?
Don Giovanni talk to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Juan!
Don Juan who?
Don Juan to go to school today!

"I think I have a problem, Doc

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very resistant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation.
After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.
"You want to die?" asks the doctor.
"But...how do I pee?"
"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again.
He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"
"What?"
"Can you tell me what the hell is happening??"
The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says,
"Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"

Finally, the good-natured boss

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Sam into his office.
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your uncle to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Sam. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose he's faking, do you?"

Have You Seen A Doctor?

Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.

A woman and a baby were in the

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for awhile in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

“An acupuncturist is

“An acupuncturist is a pin doctor.”

While in China, a man is very

While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!"
"Oh, Thank you!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

 Doctor Doctor Collection 06

Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places
Well don't go back there again then!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
Your just playing too much croquet!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo.
Are you stringing me along!
Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do?
Saw the legs off of your bed!