They Say I'm Condescending
People say I'm condescending...
That means I talk down to people.
A man is in a restaurant whereA man is in a restaurant where a pianist is playing in a corner.
"Do you play things on request?" calls the man to the pianist.
"Oh yes, sir," says the pianist.
"Great," says the man. "Play dominoes."
Don't Do It Sam
Everyone told Sam not to sing...
But Samsung anyway.
I think there's something wrong with my girlfriend.
She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
Can you name the athletes by the picture?
When You Can't Spell
Teacher: What is a synonym?
Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!
Wooden Leg Smith
An elderly man went to his friend's house to have a little chitchat. Then, he told his friend, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
His friend then asked, "So what's the name of the other leg?"
It's So Cold
It's so cold here...
That the local flasher is running up to people describing himself!
Ted and Julie go to bed with eTed and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."