Two wives were airing their trTwo wives were airing their troubles.
"I'd like to get a divorce," said the first. "My husband and I just don't get along."
"Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?" asked the second.
"I would if I could catch him at it," replied the first.
She Said I Was Immature
My wife told me I was immature...
So I told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Pulled A Muscle
I pulled a muscle digging for gold...
No worries though, it's just a miner injury.
I hate telling people I'm a taxidermist.
If they ask what I do, I answer, "You know, stuff."
Flat as a leaf, round as a r...
My First Shot
Took my first shot today! So excited, and my next one is in 2 weeks.
It was a hard choice with so many options.
I chose the tequila one.
Neighborhood Watch Program
I joined our neighborhood watch program last night...
There’s 30 of us though so I only get to wear it 1 day a month.
A man took off with his familyA man took off with his family to tour the country. When he returned, his next door neighbour asked how he enjoyed the vacation.
"Well," he replied, "have you ever spent three weeks in a mini-van with those you thought you loved?"
Dentist Knows Best
Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."
“Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”
Change the Subject
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.