My friends asked me to go camping, so I made a list of the things I would need:
“1. New friends.”
I won't play music for mI won't play music for my friend Monica. I don't want to harm Monica.
An eight-year-old kid swaggereAn eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, "Give me a double Scotch on the rocks."
"What do you want to do, get me in trouble?" the barmaid asked.
"Maybe later," the kid said. "Right now, I just want the Scotch."
I was walking past a farm and a sign said 'Duck, eggs!'
I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma..."
And then it hit me.
Find number abc
They kiThey killed the king of daytime television. It was Regiside.
The coolest ‘river-fishiThe coolest ‘river-fishing' themed restaurant has hip waiters.
The rich aunt was disappointedThe rich aunt was disappointed and said to her nephew, "I'm sorry you don't like your gift. I asked you if you preferred a large check or a small check."
"I know, Auntie," the nephew said contritely, "but I didn't know you were talking about neckties."
Pecans, Walnuts, or Peanuts
I asked the three-year-old what he likes to eat.
“Nuts,” he replied.
“Great,” I said. “What kind, pecans? Walnuts? Peanuts?"
“No,” she said with a smile, “donuts!”
Bit Harsh I Thought
"Push harder!" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"I hate you, I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone!" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.