Jokes of the day for Thursday, 04 July 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 04 July 2013
  • Currently 9.66/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (62)

Short funny jokes-Tooth and nail

John, the dentist and Jacob, the manicurist had an argument.
They fought tooth and nail.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

“When Plato discovere...

“When Plato discovered he was out of food, he decided to go shop at the stoa.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Mission Impossible: Babies Escape

Mission Impossible: Babies Escape - A compilation of Youtube babies escaping from their cribs, set to ‘Mission Impossible‘ theme. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

A stranger's advice

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.

After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."

The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."

The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try.

When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.

As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.

Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!"

Bar

"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 2.17/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (12)

A final appeal...

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to piss anyone off."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Cat beard

Cat beard - Only for true cat person | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Government Is There


At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

What You Got

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles."

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served.

Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doin' all this drinking.

"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I only have a dollar."

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Find the 10 letters word

Find the 10 letters word. Word may go in all 8 directions.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Dead in His Cornflakes

Q: Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
A: The police thought it was a cereal killer.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Reaching the end of a job inte...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (34)

If you spell Chuck Norris in S...

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 November 2011
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (31)

Knock, Knock at the Convent

Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 February 2010
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (36)

Arj Barker: 4th of July

I read this on the Internet -- did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 3.96/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (56)

Jesus Is Watching You!

There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burgler.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (33)

Someone Really Stinks


A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 July 2011
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (27)

Iliza Shlesinger: Bumper Sticker

It said, War Is Not the Answer. I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you dont agree with me, happy Fourth of July.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 July 2012
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (27)

Tall grass

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

Very satisfying.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (24)

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