Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 09 December 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 09 December 2014
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (49)

Superbowl Ads

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“I was thinking that

“I was thinking that hot air balloon operators don't make very good friends. Sure they can be uplifting at times, but in the end they always bring you down.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Top 100 Viral Videos of the Year by JukinVideo | Numbers 100-76

Top 100 Viral Videos of the Year by JukinVideo | Numbers 100-76 - JukinVideo presents the top 100 viral videos of the year! Enjoy numbers 100-76! Stay tuned for the rest of the list! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Brian had asked Dave to help h

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian's home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Dave thought he'd give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying.
She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Google Ads

Your dogs IQ

A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dogs IQ. Heres how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Sleeping on perfect balance

Sleeping on perfect balance - Probably due to magic shoe ties | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

 Snake Solves Problem


I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.
Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.
What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Improvements in Hell

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

A young man and woman meet on a train in Europe, and wind up spending one evening together in Vienna. Unfortunately, both know that this will probably be their only night together. Film was made in 1995.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The magician nonchalantly stab

The magician nonchalantly stabbed his assistant, displaying remarkable slayed offhand.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The goal of the game is to color all the 25 squares. Clicking will invert clors of all the sqauers within the shape of pattern.
The game is designed for all ages and stimulate children's creativity and reasoning.

MEN vs WOMEN on ATM

MAN:
1) Pull up to machine
2) Wind window down
3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN
4) Retrieve cash
5) Drive away
WOMAN:
1) Pull up to machine
2) Open door (too far away from machine)
3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card
4) Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair
5) Insert Card
6) Remove card
7) Insert card the correct way up
8) Search for piece of paper with PIN on it
9) Enter PIN
10) Enter correct PIN
11) Retrieve cash, put in bag
12) Drive off
13) Reverse back to machine
14) Retrieve card
15) Drive three miles away
16) Release hand-brake
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A southern farmer got in his p

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farmand knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door. "Is yerpa home?" he asked.
"No sir, he sure ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town."
"Well," said the farmer. "Is yer ma home?"
"No, she ain't here either. She went to town with pa." "Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?" "No sir, hewent with pa and ma."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from onefoot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I kin do fer ya'?" inquired the young boy politely. "I know whereall the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message ferpa."
Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's aboutyour brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he finallyconceded. "I know that pa charges $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, butI really don't know how much he gets for Joe."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Stay up

What do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster?

A cock that stays up all night.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The Blonde and the Worm

Q: How does a blonde try to kill a worm?

A: Bury it alive!

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

A policeman sees a little girl...

A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, “Did Santa get you that?" “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her five dollars. The little girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!" “Well,” says the little girl, “next year, tell Santa the d*ck goes under the horse and not on it."
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A very shy guy goes into a bar...

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at thebar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to herand asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep withyou tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinksback to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. Shesmiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm agraduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond toembarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 December 2009
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (52)

Paul F. Tompkins: Airline Security Drawings

As Im standing there, I see they have a little sign with pictures of things you are not allowed to bring on the plane anymore. And they have, like, little drawings: circle, line through it, No! One of the things you cant bring on the plane anymore is a bomb -- no, no, they had a picture, cant do it. And it was the classic cartoon bomb, like the bowling ball with the little sparky whip coming out of it. And then you might think, Oh, I got a way around that. Uh-uh, not so fast -- they also had a picture of the bundle of dynamite with the clock.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 December 2010
  • Currently 2.95/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (22)

Women and Bad Weather

Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 December 2009
  • Currently 4.53/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (19)

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